STAR TREK INTO DARKNESS
IS A KICKASS MOVIE, YO!

Unless you are a total stupid bitch, I'm pretty sure you're going to love Star Trek Into Darkness. If you like Star Trek, you're going to love it because it's better than all of the other Star Trek Movies (except the one with the whales), but even if you don't like Star Trek, you're going to like it 'cause it's full of action, adventure, great acting, great costumes, cool fights,  and sexy space chicks. There's also a Tribble in it.

The movie starts out stealing a scene from Raiders of the Lost Ark, with Kirk and McCoy running away from a primitive alien tribe, while spears are being thrown at them. This scene exists primarily to remind you that the movie is shot in 3D, and like most 3D movies, you'll see that you wish it wasn't in 3D for the rest of the film. I'm over the 3D thing, personally, and as someone who has to wear TWO FUCKING PAIRS OF GLASSES to experience the effect, I'm really totally over it. It's just a cheap ploy to charge you more for the movie, and adds nothing.

Then the movie steals a scene from Die Hard where Kirk and crew are attacked in a high rise building. And in case you didn't get the Die Hard reference at that point, he seals the deal by using a fire-hose he unrolled to throw out a window. I'm not joking.

Then the movie takes elements from Star Trek 2, but flips them around so it seems brand new again.

I'm OK with all of this, mind you, cause it was pretty exciting. And let's face it, if you're going to steal shit from other movies, you can do far worse than those 3. If they would have stole scenes from Precious, Yentl, and Caddyshack 2, this movie would have been fucking horrible.

Anyway, I really dug this movie and it was pretty damn awesome. If you're looking to see a pretty damn awesome movie, I totally recommend Star Trek Into Darkness.

Also, it's got this hella fine chick talking to Captain Kirk in her underwear!

Robert Berry
rberry@retrocrush.com

HOT RETROCRUSH NEWS AND COMEDY SHOW UPDATES!
 

• SATURDAY MAY 11th: RETROCRUSH COMEDY BURLESQUE SHOW, 8PM at The Sacramento Comedy Spot. Special guests: Burlesque legends Ariel Ryan and Marilyn Monroach, Drag Sensation Anita Procedure, and the comedy of Ray Molina, Alfonso Portela, and Gavin Myers! Admission is $8 and no drink minimum at The Sacramento Comedy Spot! CLICK HERE for EVENT LINK!
  NOTE: THIS IS AN 18 and OVER SHOW...NO EXCEPTIONS!
   
• THURSDAY MAY 16th: COMEDY KONG weekly stand up showcase featuring Alec Roberts, Alec Hamlin, and Momma C! Hosted by Robert Berry. Admission is $5 and no drink minimum at The Sacramento Comedy Spot!
   
• FRIDAY MAY 17th: SACRAMENTO COMEDY COMPETITION: I'll be at The Sacramento Comedy Spot at 9PM competing with Des Henderson, Darby Herms, Claire Fisher, Kiry Shabazz, Derik Bishop, Jaclyn Weiand, Mark Burg, and more for a $100 prize. Come on out and cheer!
   
• THURSDAY MAY 23rd: COMEDY KONG weekly standup up showcase featuring Emma Haney, Monica Archuleta, and Idris Alton! Hosted by Robert Berry. Admission is $5 and no drink minimum at The Sacramento Comedy Spot!
   
• THURSDAY MAY 30th: COMEDY KONG weekly standup showcase featuring Stephen Furey, Anthony De Guzmanm Jr., and Des Henderson. Hosted by Robert Berry. Admission is $5 and no drink minimum at The Sacramento Comedy Spot!
   
• WEDNESDAY JUNE 5th: PUNCH LINE COMEDY SHOWCASE I'll be performing my first stand up set at The Punch Line! Please email me to get free admission at rberry@retrocrush.com
   
• SATURDAY JUNE 8th: RETROCRUSH COMEDY SHOW 8PM at The Sacramento Comedy Spot. Hosted by Robert Berry, guests To Be Announced!
   
• THURSDAY JUNE 13th: COMEDY KONG, 8PM. William Fisher and guests To be Announced!
   
• THURSDAY JUNE 20th: COMEDY KONG, 8PM SPECIAL ROBERT BERRY BIRTHDAY SHOW! Featuring JR DeGuzman!

retroCRUSH LUNCH-BAG ART

From about 2010-2012 I had a fun time creating custom lunch bags for my kids Wyatt and Sierra. They started out as simple sketches, and as time went on I was practically making them late for school as I finished them up.  CLICK HERE to see the entire gallery!

IT'S EXTREME GUESS WHO!

I had a fantastic time at the 48 Hour Comedy Marathon at Brian Crall's Sacramento Comedy Spot the weekend of March 15th. We had a special retroCRUSH show on Friday night and I produced a geek themed standup comedy show Saturday with myself, Austin Abshire, Michael Cella, Stephen Ferris, and Nick Pettigrew called DORK PARTY that was incredibly cool (I'll be posting the audio soon). Perhaps the craziest thing I did was host EXTREME GUESS WHO (pictured above) at...8AM SUNDAY MORNING! We had about as many people on stage as we did in the audience, but it was a lot of fun. Jesse Jones (left) played El Hombre Gigante while John Ross was The Satin King (right). I'm the bald fella in the middle. It's hard to see in this picture, but Jesse's pants are actually ring worn tights once owned by Randy "The Macho Man" Savage! How cool is that?

I also had a great time singing with the incredible Amy Anne from Sacramento's Hip Service! Here's our pre-show karaoke practice at The Distillery at 21st and L. These guys have a great prime rib, and they actually have karaoke EVERY NIGHT OF THE WEEK. Hoo boy!

HOT RETROCRUSH NEWS AND COMEDY SHOW UPDATES!

It's been a great last couple of months for Comedy. I've been having a lot of fun going to different open mics in the Sacramento area and just this last month I've been the guest host at Keith Lowell Jensen's comedy show at Luna's Cafe, had 3 different retroCRUSH produced shows at Brian Crall's Sacramento Comedy Spot, and things just keep looking up. Here's just a sample of some of the great things I've got in store for the weeks to come:

• APRIL 12th: THE CRAZY ASS SPRING BREAK FUNDRAISER I'll be hosting this crazy burlesque event at my favorite bar in Sacramento, On The Y (670 Fulton), for the latest Trash Film Orgy movie, Badass Monster Killer. Lots of great stuff, prizes, and a Bloody T-Shirt Contest, with prizes including a custom made corset! CLICK HERE for details.
   
• APRIL 13th: retroCRUSH Variety Show: Our 8th Monthly Show at Sacramento Comedy Spot featuring Daniel Humbarger, Matt Raymond, and Des Henderson, along with retro sketches and other great things to blow your mind. We have an event link on Facebook you can view HERE, and you can go to saccomedyspot.com for more details!
   
• APRIL 28th: Hosting and performing at the Yuba Sutter All Ages Comedy Showcase at Laughs Unlimited in Old Sacramento at 1PM. Featuring Justin Rivera from America's Got Talent, and local comics Momma C, Edwin Mendoza, Chris Reynolds, Randy Lavender, Kimberly Kline Wilson, Gwendolyn Shreve Pol, Angel Mota, Karen Hess, and Caleb Mains!
  THIS SHOW IS FREE with a LIVE BAND TO FOLLOW!
   
• MAY 4th: I'll be producing several Star Wars themed comedy events for the May The 4th Be With You Convention in West Sacramento. CLICK HERE for details.

LINK: MASTER OF THE OCARINA
 

My good friend Nick Pettigrew and the rest of the crew from Sacramento's Critical Hit team made this incredibly fun commercial featuring Zelda's Link playing a bunch of hits on the Ocarina. Check out the rest of their fun videos on their YouTube Channel while you're at it.