THE #1 MONSTER
There's no greater monster than Godzilla. He's more powerful than any other, for starters. Sure, he got his ass kicked in King Kong vs. Godzilla, but I blame the shitty screenwriter with that more than ol' Zilla. No other monster has made such an impact on pop culture through movies, toys, comic books, and even butane lighters, than the big green guy (Yeah, you purists say he's gray, but come on now).
Godzilla kicks ass in every single way.
When they made that crappy big budget remake of King Kong in 1976, it almost killed the character's appeal beyond repair. There still hasn't been another attempt to make a good KONG film since (and I'm not counting King Kong lives).
When Hollywood got their mits on the character and made their own disastrous Godzilla flick, TOHO pictures just rolled with the punches and made some more good ones again.
Godzilla transcends cool. Though he's from Japan, lovers of monsters around the world can't help but embrace Godzilla as the ultimate monster.
I thought it might be fun to share this goofy photo comic I did back in 1997, which featured Godzilla vs. Stone Cold Steve Austin. Hey, it guest stars MC Hammer and Vanilla Ice, so you can't go wrong with that!
Godzilla has been sighted in Texas and everyone is afraid!
Vanilla:Oh, Hammer! Godzilla's comin! Give me a kiss!
Hammer:Why not? I'm bankrupt, and I'm going to die, so let's get it on, PROPER!
Hammer:Mmmmm, you can touch this, Ice Ice Baby!
Vanilla Ice:Ahhh...word to your mother!
Austin:What the hell are you washed up rappers havin' sex in my backyard?
Hammer:Please Austin, don't hurt me! We was just tryin' to get some lovin in before Godzilla kills us all!
Austin:Well if ya wanna see me beat Godzilla's Ass, give me a HELL YEAH!!!
Hammer and Vanilla:HELL YEAH! But you're so small...how ya gonna do it?
Austin:I'm just going to take some of these experimental growth steroids that Vince McMahon gave me!
Austin:Hey ya big damn ugly lizard, ya think that you're the toughest S.O.B? Well try me on for size!
Austin:Austin 3:16 Says I'm Gonna Kick Your Lizard Ass!
Austin:Man, that Godzilla is helluva tough!
Austin:Ok, Godzilla, it's time for me to open up a can of WHOOP ASS!
Austin:Aieeeeee! Atomic Breath was outlawed back in Wrestlemania 5!
Austin:Ya ain't gonna push that rock down on Stone Cold!
Austin:Ok...you asked for it now...hell YEAH!!!
Austin:WHOOO! Time for the STUNNER, ZILLA!!!!
STONE COLD IS VICTORIOUS!
Bizarro Shopping Zone
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