#82: THE MUMMY

I'm sure to get many emails from folks complaining about THE MUMMY's relatively low placement on this list, but I won't bend.  Though neat to look at, and an important figure in the history of Universal Studio Monsters, he just kind of sucks.

Whenever we played monster fights as a kid, it was always Wolfman, Frankenstein, or Dracula that were the popular choices.  We never wanted to be The Mummy.  And the main reason?  How the hell could you be afraid of some barely mobile dead guy, wrapped up in bandages, that could barely keep up with an old lady in a walker?

I mean this was one of the only monsters that kids were not actually afraid of, cause they could outrun it.  In an open field or a forest, a Mummy would have to go miles and miles and hope for a lucky Tortoise and the Hare effect to catch you.  Ever notice that in every classic Mummy movie, the only people who get killed are the ones stupid enough to back into a corner when they've got nowhere else to run?


Grand Pubah, or Mummy?

The Mummy scores some points for being played by BORIS KARLOFF (the master) in 1932, but Karloff's only a classic mummy (see above) for about 2 minutes in the movie, and spends the rest of the film looking like a living dead shriner.  Plus he's so pussy, he can't even kill a girl.

And don't come to me with that modern remake of THE MUMMY as defense.  That overblown Raiders of the Lost Ark ripoff starring Brendan Fraser was just a special FX showcase, and the sequel stars THE ROCK (scary..oooooohhhhh).  

Don't even get me started on that pretentious Anne Rice piece of crap.

In the meantime, I'm still waiting for a good Mummy movie...

MONSTER FACTS

For a short time in the 70s, the makers of Count Chocula produced a mummy themed cereal called YUMMY MUMMY.


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