#91: SANDWORMS

by SPECIAL GUEST WRITER
RICHARD SIMMONS

Sandworms have certainly played a prominent role in literature and film throughout time. What is it about these exciting long strong muscular shafts of energy plunging in and out and in out of the sand like a fleshy hot poker that makes them so exciting?  I've been trying to figure it out for years.

Frank Herbert (who has two first names), first wrote about Sandworms in his novel DUNE.  He called them Shai Halud, but let me tell you, if I saw such a powerful brown snake such as this, I wouldn't be Shai, if you know what I mean.  Ha Ha ha!

The influence of those Sandworms was not unnoticed by the makers of Beetlejuice.  Clearly the director realized there was too much out of control female energy in the film with only one studly flannel wearing Alec Baldwin, to match up against the breeders Geena Davis and Wynona Ryder.  What better way to offest that hormonal imbalance, by introducing more Sandworms into the plot.  Yahooo!  That's one sexy beast.

And TREMORS featured sandworms as well.  Only in this movie, they were called GRABOIDS.  Sounds like what I'd call my hemmrhoids after grabbing them too much...get it!

By the way, I just want to take a moment to tell you that with hard work and plenty of excercise, you can be the you, that you want to be.  I used to be fat, and look at me now, I'm fit and trim.  And sister, I worked hard, and thought it would never be skinny again.

If only life were as easy as the life of the sandworm.  What a wonderful life it would be indeed.

I love each and every one of you, and thank you for letting me write about this topic, which I am so passionate about.

By the way, that Dune Sandworm toy they made back in the 80s is a perfectly good (and more legal and humane) substitute for gerbils.  Always bear that in mind.

God bless,

Richard Simmons

DUNE SANDWORM FACTS
(stolen from THIS SITE)

The Sandworm, also known by the Fremen as Shai Hulud, Shaitan and 'The Maker', is native to the world of Arrakis, known as Dune. Sandworms can attain lengths of gigantic dimensions and are the undisputed princes of Dune's Inner Belts. Sandworms have been known to attack desert installations, mainly because they are attracted by unnatural vibrations which seem to irritate and lead them to aggressive and destructive behaviour.

The so-called Sandtrout are the juvenile forms of Sandworms, which have yet to undergo metamorphosis.

Water is absolutely deadly to Sandworms and can be seen as the only really effective countermeasure against a potential Sandworm attack. Sandworms which are drowned in water secrete a fluid known in the universe as the'Water of Life'. It is believed that this substance contains the power of Clairvoyance and it is rumored that the Bene Gesserit use this lethal substance to initiate new sisters into their order. Fremen use the Sandworms as a means of rapid transportation. Sandworms are lured to the surface with thumpers and so-called 'Maker-hooks' are inserted by the Fremen between the segments of the worms. These hooks offer a crude means of steering the fierce creatures.

The worms are then driven to exhaustion and are only then allowed to retreat under the sand.

WEBSITES

SANDWORM.COM (coming soon HA! for more than a YEAR now!)

BIG DUNE SITE WITH A TON O' MEDIA

Sandworm Shopping Zone

BUY THE ABOMINABLE DR. PHIBES on DVD from AMAZON for only $12.99	And get the sequel, DR. PHIBES RISES AGAIN on DVD from AMAZON for $12.99