#98: THE FREAKIES

The Freakies were a group of monsters that were featured on a cereal of the same name that debuted in 1971.  I could go on and on about how fantastic these little creatures were, but I'll let my long time friend and award winning writer, Brad Hamlin, tell you in a poem he wrote for my 1992 book FRANKENBERRY UBER ALLES.

I would save up 69cents
go buy a box at the local Boy's Market
-- then dump the cereal into the gutter.

It was the toy I was after, always the toy. . . .

Yes,
I felt as if I were liberating a friend
each time I pulled a Freakie
out of the deluge of sugar & grain.

You see
the cereal itself was quite dull
as most things are,
but the toys, they, the Freakies,
were very creative, alive almost.

There was
Boss Moss, & Cowmumble,
Grumble, Goody Goody, and Hamhose, 
Gargle, and -- my favorite, Snorkledorf, 
each with a separate personality, shape, size, and color.

I used to carry them around with me when I was 9,
secretly, 
little monsters in my pockets, multi-colored freaks.

It was the commercial that sold me,
the one where the Freakies go to live
underneath the Freakie-tree
-- where no one can bother them,
and all the Freaks live in peace
(with only the occasional complaint from Grumble.)

The Freakies were a happy, mixed, hip-tribe,
living in harmony, 
surrounded with food,
and eating,
and sharing,
the fruit of the same tree.

Oh, if only we -- were as wise as the Freakies

-Bradley Mason Hamlin

THE FREAKIES SONG

We are the Freakies
We are the Freakies
And this is our Freakies Tree

And we never miss a meal
Cause we love our cereal

This is the Big Boss
We call him BossMoss
Make sure you spell it right

Snorkeldorf they call me
So handsome and pretty

Here’s little Hamhose
He’s got a weird nose
Do I really have to sing?

My name is Grumble
I am Cowmumble
You’re standing on my foot

Gargle is his name
Smartness is my game
I know more than you do

And don’t forget me
I’m Goody-Goody
I always do what’s right
For instance, I eat Freakies
cause it’s got a lot of vitamins
and it’s good for me

Oh we are the Freakies
We are the Freakies
And this is our Freakies Tree
Yessir...

WEBSITES

FREAKIES.COM

ORDER A VIDEO OF FREAKIES COMMERCIALS

Freakies Shopping Zone

VHS Cereal Commercial Tape $19.95	tThe Road to Wellville VHS $13.99