GREEN LANTERN vs. AQUAMAN
LANTERN: Behold! I am the great Green Lantern!!! Some say I'm the
greatest super hero of all time. With my power ring I can shoot out
energy using my will power and do or make whatever I want. But it's a
Friday night, and frankly, I'm rather bored.
LANTERN: Wonder Woman's not returning my calls anymore after that
Power Ring vibrator mishap. Perhaps I can drown my sorrows in a giant
Power Ring Martini! Oh yeah...this stuff is awesome. Of ccurse now my
blood alcohol level is 104%! GREAT OA! I'm drunker than 4 Russians!
LANTERN: I'm feeling kinda horny now! I think a king size Anna
Kournikova Power Ring Love Slave will fit the bill just fine! Come here,
LANTERN: Ahhh, SHIT! Someone's at the door! Who could it be at this
LANTERN: Aquaman? What the hell are you doing here?
I've come to put a stop to your madness! You're out of control, Green
Lantern, and have become a menace to decent people everywhere!
LANTERN: Hey, I'm ready for a fight...go ahead and bring in the rest
of The Justice League...
The rest? No, it's just me.
LANTERN: (Laughing) Just you? Oh come on now, you're Aquaman for
crying out loud. I can make anything I want with my Power Ring. All you
can do is swim and mentally control fish.
But you forget, I'm also the Lord of Atlantis!
LANTERN: I thought that was The Sub-Mariner!
No, he works for another company. Ha Ha! Have you seen that freak?
He has wings on his ankles! What a DORK!
LANTERN: DORK? You're the one walking around looking like a
tangerine with green legs! Let's face it, you suck in every way known to
What do you mean I suck? I can breathe underwater! I'm pretty damn
strong, too. Did I mention I can control fish with my mind?
LANTERN: We're in the middle of the city, for chrissakes, Aquaman.
What are you gonna do, turn my pet Sea Monkeys against me?
I will find a weakness. Somehow there is a way to defeat you! And I will
LANTERN: I don't have a weakness! My ring is all powerful, it just
doesn't work on anything that's colored yellow.
Well that's pretty damn lame. Can't you get that fixed?
LANTERN: Nah, that imperfection was put in there deliberately by The
Guardians of OA.
Why? And why have we inexplicably turned into plush toys?
LANTERN: Uhhh... I don't know that either.
LANTERN: Well at least my weakness isn't as lame as YOUR weakness!
What is it...you can't be out of water for more than an hour, or you'll
die? Ha Ha! How lame is that?
I've got plenty of time to destroy you!
LANTERN: Didn't you take the subway here? That's at least a 50 minute
Shit, you're right. Mind if I use your bathtub really quick? Give a
guy a sporting chance, at least?
LANTERN: Ah, jeez...OK!!! Just come back soon so I can kick your
Thanks, be right back! I'm just gonna take a quick bath and drink a few
gallons of water!
LANTERN: This is ridiculous! When he comes back, I'm gonna make a
giant Power Ring Chainsaw and cut his head off! Then I can get back to
Anna K. Man, listen to him in there. How can one man drink so much
HA HA! Take that, you stupid Green Bastard!
LANTERN: What the hell? You're pissing all over me! That's fucking
LANTERN: I can't move! The yellow urine is covering my Power Ring,
making it useless! YOU WIN! YOU WIN!
KOURNIKOVA: So, Aquaman ... you can show me...how you say it..."Talk
to my fish?"
Sure thing, baby!