THE WORLD'S COOLEST BEER BOTTLES
Each lovingly drunk from my personal collection

As any true alcoholic will tell you, there's no such thing as shitty beer, so you may as well get the best looking bottle you can while you sip yourself into sweet oblivion.  I'm always the biggest sucker for buying a brew with a cool looking label.  It can taste like earwax fermenting in camel piss, and I'll still be happy if there's a cool alligator on the label!  So I thought I'd go to the basement, wash the dust off my favorites, and share them with you.

First we have Blackened Voodoo and Crimson Voodoo.  Not only do you get an eerie moonlit picture from some crazy bayou, but the name itself is cool.  They weren't too bad, either.  I drank quite a few of these on a business trip at some Cajun restaurant while eating alligator nuggets that tasted too much like chicken for me to believe they were real.  Dead Guy Ale is another favorite of mine, while Elvira's Night Brew sucks, but her jugs put the St. Pauli Girl to shame, so what can I say?  And Black Lemonade isn't technically beer, but it was a trip, with some sweet inky black concoction that probably gave you instant cancer.

I hate the guy who does those Sam Adams radio commercials, but his beer ain't half bad.  I only saw his Old Fezziwig Ale during one year's holiday season, but I recommend it highly if you ever come across it.  Hornsby's is a great cider with a cool rhino on the label, while Humpback Ale brings Moby Dick to mind.  Magpie is one of the more "goth" beer bottles around, while you can't top the evil fun of Old Nick.

My wife's friend from Utah brought me these two beers from her home state that poke fun at the Mormon lifestyle, while my love of crocs and gators is evident in the next three.  And ya gotta love a beer called NGOK!

And though the silver foil shark on a foil blue background doesn't photograph as well as I like, any label with a shark on it is cool with me.  Pumpkin Ale has a pumpkin taste to it that actually works out just fine, and though Wicked Ale is pretty common, there's a simple elegance to the bottle that strikes me.  Rasputin's Imperial Stout is sure to get you crazy crazy drunk, while I bought Maccabee, a beer brewed in Israel of all places, just so I can say, "Look at my JEW BREW!"

Ah well, got some more beers to find.  If you got any cool ones to tip me off to (or hell, even mail to me), click my email address below.

-Robert Berry
rberry@retrocrush.com

 

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