MR. T's EROTIC BUTTER TRICKS
We now bring you another exciting installment of MR. T'S EROTIC BUTTER TRICKS! And now, here's your host...MR. T!
"Greetings retroCRUSH suckas!. You know, I pity the fool that doesn't know how to take butter and have a good time. I just got done watching DOUBLE AGENT 73 starring the lovely Chesty Morgan. She plays a spy who has a camera installed in her left breast and she takes pictures by squeezing her nipple. Man, why don't they make great movies like THAT anymore?"
"Well do yourself a favor and get this fine film on DVD, fool. Today, I'm gonna teach y'all how to take an ordinary box of LAND O' LAKES butter, and make an erotic scene that's sure to delite both the men and womenfolk alike."
"Here's my lovely assistant, Robert's hand. Robert's hand has seen a lot of erotic action so let's give it props for getting busy more times than a rabbit on Viagra. First, just get yourself a box of LAND O LAKES BUTTER. Parkay or other brands don't work...you'll find out why, soon enough!"
"Then take the butter out. I pity the fool that don't take the butter out first, sucka! I'm not really sure why Indians like butter so much. Must be so they can grease up the roulette wheels at those crooked Casinos across the country. Mr. T is all for helping out Indians, but not at the expense of exposing our Nation's youth to the sins of GAMBLING!"
"DAMN! What's that crazy fool Barney doing here? Barney...you better be somebody, or be somebody's fool, SUCKA! Sorry for getting distracted, X-E fans. Anyway, you then need to cut hte front and back panels of the box off like you see here."
"Then you grab one of them and cut a square out like this, getting all of this fine Indian woman's knees in the square!
"Then you're at the trickiest part. Find yourself a small sharp knife and you want to stab yourself in the eye repeatedly and then rub the blood on your butt and take pictures with your digital camera...uhh....HEY! Those cue cards are for my post I'm doing at STILE PROJECT!. Anyway, take a knife and you want to cut the left, right, and bottom sides of the butter box she's holding. The final result will look as if you can lift the flap up."
"Then tape that piece you cut out behind the piece you made with the flap, lining the knees up just right, and it looks like this fine Squaw is showing your her goods! I like to pretend that her name is Hyapatia Lee! Trust me, this is the sexiest picture you can make out of grocery store food, next to that funny Otter Pop orgy scene that I'll have to show you some other time."
"But...BURP...Mr. T...what do you do with all that extra butter?"
"Come here and let me show you, sucka!"