THE SICKEST KIDS BOOK EVER

From HAROLD and THE PURPLE CRAYON to ONE FISH TWO FISH RED FISH BLUE FISH, we've all had our share of crazy kids books read to us growing up.  From the "stay out of trouble" morals of THE POKEY LITTLE PUPPY to the "shut up and eat your dinner" message of WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE, you might even learn a thing or two while you're at it.  But after reading through LOVE YOU FOREVER by Robert Munsch and Sheila McGraw, I have to say that it's one of the creepiest kids books I've ever seen.

Published in 1986, it's a fairly modern kids book, but with over 50 printings in the last 15 years, there's obviously millions of homes that have this mind bending tome within.

On the surface, it's a really sweet book about a mother who really loves her baby boy as he grows to manhood, no matter how goofy or annoying he may be in the process.  Periodically she visits him and sings the song:

"I'll love you forever,
I'll like you for always,
As long as I'm living
my baby you'll be."

If it were just that, it'd be an all time classic.  But it takes the simple concept to disturbing extremes that have to be seen to be believed.

Anyone who's had a baby in their family knows there's nothing cuter than looking at them while they're sleeping.  The mother in the book knows this and sneaks into his room at night to peek at her angel, and sing her little song to him.  Nothing wrong with that, right?

Only it doesn't stop there.  When the boy is a teenager she CRAWLS into his room on all fours and, "If he was really asleep she picked up that great big boy and rocked him back and forth, back and forth, back and forth" while she sang her song.  I don't know about you but if I was 15 and woke up in my bed with my Mom holding me like that, I'd probably scream.  Who knows what kind of weird dreams this poor boy was having?

Well at least when this poor lad moves out of the house, he won't have to deal with his mother's obsessive habits anymore...or does he?  Yep, once he's full grown, according to the book, "...sometimes on dark nights his mother got into her car and drove across town."  YIKES!  Not only is that scarier than hell that she's driving with a ladder strapped to her car in the middle of the night, but she makes a regular habit of it.  

Yep, ol' Mommy climbs up his house, crawls through his window and does the same thing.  Man this guy sleeps better than anyone I've ever known!  Well, you can see by looking at this small single bed that he never got married.  And he had such a healthy upbringing, too.  It's a shame!

Though the book takes a poignant dramatic turn when he hears his mother isn't doing well and he goes to visit her.  As he holds his dying mother in his lap, he turns the tables and sings the song to her.  But wait a minute!   I thought he was asleep during all those other times.  Looks like he was playing along with this little sick little game a little too eagerly. 

At this point, you feel bad for making fun of the book at all 'cause his mother has passed away.  The son returns home, though, and picks up his baby girl and sings the song to her.  

But from everything we've seen in the book, the guy lives alone.  The only woman he ever sees at night is his Mom.  Leaving the only possible mother of his child to be...OH MY GOD!!!

Let's all cross our fingers and pray we don't see the sequel to this book.

If you still think this book is sweet and that I'm missing the true spirit of LOVE YOU FOREVER, just switch the genders of the characters in this story and tell me that wouldn't be extra creepy.

 

-Robert
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