JOYS OF POP-TOPPING!
I've come across some pretty crazy craft books in my day in my numerous thrift store exploits, but never before have I seen the likes of Pop-Topping! Mostly in the 70s and before, soda and beer cans had more dangerous and litter-inducing pull tab with a ring and a sharp end. I remember linking them in a chain from time to time, but I never dreamed that one could (or would) make such things as dresses, hats, and chandeliers out of them. This 1975 classic details many such projects, that for the life of me, I can't imagine anyone actually wore.
First we have this lovely pop-top vest. The book's caption says, "This child and vest make an absolutely charming pair." Can you imagine the beatings that awaited this poor kid when he wore it to school?
I think even The Commodores would have thumbed their noses up at these funky getups. These poor suckers look like something Isaac Hayes would see during an acid trip.
If you think this hat is crazy, you should see the pop-topping contraceptive sponge on the next page!
What better way to cool off on a hot day, than a hat made out of aluminum that will soak up all the heat and burn circle shaped scars into your skull? The guy on his right used to be named Jim Smith, but once he converted to Islam, he changed his name to Aluminum X.
What kind of family decorates with a pop-topping chandelier cover? I bet my in-laws would, as they actually have 3 of THESE hanging in their living room!
Of course, no white-trash family can be without their pop-topping placemat! The perfect compliment to those dinner plates crafted from rusty bottlecaps!
At least the poor dog in the photo above doesn't have fleas. They're too busy laughing their ass off at how stupid he looks!
Oy! What can you say about this poor little guy? If he could talk, I bet he'd say, "Hey...bash me to death with a shovel...FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, PLEASE KILL ME NOW!"
I was originally just laughing at the pictures in this book, but once I began to read the thing, it was incredibly disturbing. The freak pictured above is the book's author, and his name is actually "Poptop Terp!" He apparently ran some sort of evil poptopping school/cult and has comments about his students like this:
"One man is a very special case, and I consider him to be my star pupil. Lester Morris, age 21, is a student at the Contemporary Guidance School in New York City. he had taken little interest in anything at all...Through poptopping, Lester had not only archived a sense of accomplishment, but had actually come to the point where he could effectively supervise younger boys, and I am thrilled that I had a hand in that!"
Holy crap! He's the Messiah of Poptopping!
Alas, once the more modern soda cans replaced the pop-tops of yesteryear, Poptop Terp and his kind were banished into some aluminum netherworld, cursing man and all of his progress! He tried in vain to create some new craze i later years. Six-Pack ring macrame, Toilet Paper Tube weaving, and a crazy rubber-band powered pubic hair removal device, but they never lived up to the fame of Pop-Topping.
Poptop Terp was found dead in a New York gutter 3 years ago, wearing a tuxedo made of poptops, and was promptly recycled by a homeless man for $3.24!