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GRANDMA'S RECORD COLLECTION
by Robert Berry
webmaster@retrocrush.com

I was visiting my Grandma in "scenic" Hayward, CA this weekend and had a great bunch of laughs checking out her record collection.  There's a bunch of country albums from artists like Kenny Rogers and Chet Atkins that I recognized, but the bulk of it is full of weird party and atmosphere albums that show the ol' gal has had a pretty eclectic taste through the years.  I just had to take pictures of some of them and share them here.  She didn't quite understand WHY I was doing this ("You're gonna put pictures of them on WHAT now, Bobby?"), but she got a kick out of the fact that I was so thrilled by them.

You can click each picture below to appreciate the much larger version.

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Long before the Japanese invented bukkake, Herb Alpert had this great Whipped Cream album cover that's delighted men for yours.  I've put up a larger scale version of just the girl on the right, for your viewing pleasure.  There's been about 10 great parody version of this album cover through the ages, that I'll be posting at a later time.

 colonna.jpg (54780 bytes)  colonnacloseup.jpg (18271 bytes)

This one with Jerry Colonna is just plain nutty as hell.  My grandma says he was quite a popular funnyman of the day.  This horny looking bug-eyed freak looks out of place with these young hipsters.  But as you can see on the close-up I have on the right, the chick next to him seems to be digging him pretty hard.  Of course, as the first song on the album cover suggests, he's probably not interested in her, anyway.

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Al Hirt has cotton candy in his trumpet.  Though from the size of his belly, you can bet it won't stay in there for long!

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You just know that all the hip kids in the 50s used this record for their killer dance parties. Polka til you puke, dude!

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And here's a great album for that HELL themed dance party you've been putting off.  My grandma says she just bought it at a grocery store for a $1 decades ago, and it wasn't very good.  But if you play it backwards, there's a killer meatloaf recipe on it.

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I always liked the elegant beauty of this album cover.  It kind of makes me think of Christopher Walken's SNL character, "The Continental" on a night that he finally got lucky.  

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The original Honky Tonk woman!  The album was banned in 1952, when its original title "Boffing Music for Dirty Piano Sluts" offended most retailers.

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This cover is just downright creepy!  Everyone at the party seems to be having the time of their life just sitting down and staring at some phantom piano player who's mysteriously kept out of the frame.

instantfrench.jpg (55141 bytes)

Learn how to say "I accept your surrender!" in just 20 minutes!

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"Tomorrow Never Comes" sounds pretty grim for a Jim Nabors album.  It also sounds like the name of a bad James Bond movie (which is just about every one since Roger Moore took over).  Of course, if you asked Rock Hudson, he would have told you that Jim never had the problems that tomorrow did.

musicfordining.jpg (54054 bytes)  relaxation.jpg (49210 bytes)

I love these type of albums to set a mood, like "Music for Dining" and "Music for Relaxation."  My grandma's similar records "Music for Nasty Sanchez" and "Music for Fucking The Dead" were a bit too disturbing to share with you here, though.

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Nothing too incredible about this album, until my retroBABE trained eye recognized none other than Julie Newmar on the left.   MEEOOOW!  

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Who'd have thought I'd find a record with 3 hot naked babes on it at my Grandma's house?  Well, aside from that disturbing "Andrews Sisters Go Hot-Tub Crazy Christmas Album", that is.

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I just totally love this picture, but don't have anything particularly clever to say about it (though that hasn't stopped me so far).

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And finally, we have "Make Room for Tiny."  My grandma says that grandpa would often shout this album title out before a lovemaking session.

Got any crazy records of your own to share with me?  Email me!



 


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