UNKNOWN COMIC INTERVIEW
Hey, folks! When comedy star Francois Fly told me he got an exclusive interview with the legendary Unknown Comic, I was frothing at the mouth, begging him every day until we finally got it here, exclusively at retroCRUSH to share with the masses.
I was a mere maggot, still going by the name of Frankie when I spotted the comedian that would ruin my life. It was while watching The Gong Show, (the greatest TV show of all time) that I was first corrupted by the evil genius of The Unknown Comic. Chuck Barris was as excited introducing this act as when he gave us the men who played music on their zippers. The great Unknown came strutting out on stage, cocky and manic in a horrid sports coat with a bag over his head, three bowling ball like holes allowing him to see and speak. Rapid fire he launched into the kind of goofy gags Milton Berle mightíve stolen; Heíd been to psychiatrist he tells us, pulling off his bag to reveal a smaller bag, ďWhat a head shrink!Ē He does his impersonation of the first man to land on the sun, hopping up and down as if his feet are burning. His impersonation of Farrah Fawcett involves turning his bag backward revealing a picture of Farrah on the other side, spitting water out the mouth hole turns the impersonation into Leaky Faucet. Such cheese, such schlock, such brilliance. I laughed so hard I pupated. I realized Iíd been working too hard. Francois Fly was born.
I was of course thrilled
to hear that Chuck Barris had authored an autobiography, finally telling
in his own words the story of his double life as Gong Show host and
producer by day and CIA assassin by night. I was excited still further
when George Clooney grabbed the rights and made a film based on the bio.
ďConfessions of A Dangerous MindĒ-the movie is set to be released in
December and so another wave of fame is sure to hit the Unknown Comic. I
had a chance to talk with my hero, old bag face about his past, and his
Unknown Comic: Nah...I just saw several comics at the playboy club...and thought; shit...I could do that with a bag over my head....
F-Fly: Were you surprised at the response The Unknown Comic got?
UC: The correct answer is yes and no...but that would make me wishy washy...so lemme change that to maybe...but then again...maybe not.
F-Fly: and what do you think made The Unknown Comic so popular.
UC: People look at him and say...shit, I could do that "without" a bag over my head...
F-Fly: Do you regret taking off the bag?
UC: The only thing I regret is agreeing to this interview...
F-Fly: Is Chuck Barris nuts?
UC: Finish the question...is Chuck Barris Nuts...Large? Soft? Squishy? Missing?
F-Fly: Any funny Gene, Gene the Dancing Machine stories? I loved that guy.
UC: Yeah...he just
had both his legs removed because of diabetes ... Iím not sure if that
could be considered a funny Gene story ... Wait...he tried to sue the
studio where he worked...but he lost... because they said he didnít have a
leg to stand on... There is that better...??? Gene, Gene is the best...
UC: Cleaning elephant shit at a circus for two years...I would have quit earlier...but I didnít want to get out of show business... After that...I worked as a stuntman in Porno Films...My favorite was Americas first patriotic porno film...Yank My Doodle Its a Dandy...It was a very sad film...when I first saw it in a porno theater...there wasnít a dry hand in the house.
F-Fly: What are the highlights of your post Gong Show career?
UC: Recently becoming a father...unfortunately because my kid looks just like me...we have to get some major surgery...to enable his head to fold up properly...Any recommendations for a good paper surgeon would be greatly appreciated.
F-Fly: The low point....
to this interview....
F-Fly: What are your plans to capitalize on the attention you're sure to get after Confessions Of A Dangerous Mind comes out?
UC: With the money I am making again...I plan on buying myself some new toe separators.
F-Fly: Will we be seeing an Unknown Comic cartoon?
UC: Perhaps...but then again ...perhaps not...
F-Fly: Video Game?
UC: Yes...we may even add audio...
F-Fly: Adult Hygiene Products?
UC: Absolutely...I am coming out with a line of talking vibrators for women...They will go "Wwrrrrrrr whatís in the refrigerator"...Wwrrrrrrr Iíll call you tomorrow."...Etc.
F-Fly: Joe Cobden will be playing The Unknown Comic in the movie.
UC: Right...they said I was too old to play myself... too many wrinkles on the bag
F-Fly: Did you coach him?
UC: Yes...but when I suggested a plastic bag...he got uppity
F-Fly: How'd he do as you?
UC: He ended up using a Vacuum cleaner bag...and I heard he sucked.
F-Fly: Nobody contacted me about taking the role! What up with that?
UC: There is something about you that just pisses everyone off....
F-Fly: Who are your biggest influences in Comedy?
UC: Dom de Luise, Louie Anderson and Roseanne Barr were my Biggest
F-Fly: Who are your favorite comedians working today?
UC: O.J. Simpson...Mike Tyson and Charles Mansion
F-Fly: Who are your favorites of all time?
UC: Jesus and two of
the three wise men.
UC: Cream of washroom soup...a tuna milk shake...and a slice of garlic cake
F-Fly: Would you recommend that breakfast to other people who would like to be famous/anonymous?
UC: Why are you asking me that? What are you trying to say? Who are you? What are you getting at? Why all the questions and what makes you think Iím Paranoid?
F-Fly: Are you performing currently as Murray Langston, The Unknown Comic, or both?
UC: Both or vice versa or the other way around. Depends which way Iím facing.
F-Fly: What are your shows like?
UC: Itís not easy being a comedian...You try to entertain people and all they do is laugh at you...
F-Fly: I see you, Steve Martin and Andy Kaufman as bringing back silly comedy in the Ď70s. You all have a good dose of vaudeville and you all play with the medium a-lot, goofing on the whole concept and identity of what a stand up comedian is.
UC: First of all, Andy Kaufman was the only one who had a dose...and it wasn't a good dose...Secondly, Steve Martin is probably now and always will be...And Thirdly, I think that the concept of silly comedy is too copious for my dominion of comprehension making the exuberance of my verbosity to be titillating, yet sexually frustrating...not to mention vagina...or did I just mention vagina.
the comedy scene has gone toward degradation with "Extreme", (I've come to
hate that word)Ö
Nothing worse than a Dick and Greene in comedy...
F-Fly: (sobbing) What do you think of this current movement?
UC: (knitting little baby storm trooper booties) I think with the current movement...I need to go to the bathroom
F-Fly: (sweating) Where do you see comedy going next?
UC: (punching) Probably to Iraq. Is Bob Hope still around?
F-Fly: (ducking) Will you take the 1-800-call-attt commercials when they're offered?
UC: (dreaming) If it pays more than what Iím getting for this interview...yes.
F-Fly: (volunteering) Do comedians have groupies?
vomiting) Yes, and even though I'm now in my fifties, I can still make
love for 5 or 6 hours straight without stopping...even longer if I'm with
F-Fly: (flossing carefully between each tooth) Have you ever been asked to wear the bag during amore.
UC: (picking) Not only during, but before and after.... but most women think Iím too square...But I have been in a few orgies...where I get to play grab bag.
(ass-kissing) So what can we expect from your website in the future
You can visit THE UNKNOWN COMIC'S OFFICIAL SITE if you CLICK HERE.