Mr. T and Undertaker Ice Cream
I was hungry, so I looked in my freezer and all I had was fish sticks and a World Wrestling Federation Ice Cream bar. No way in hell am I gonna eat fish sticks, so I guess the choice is easy. Why the hell are fish sticks in my freezer, anyway? I never have the patience to bake them the right way, I always just microwave 'em and they end up all greasy and floppy.
Though Ice Cream alone is no kind of dinner. I better have something to drink, too. And what better than some of that fancy wine from the new Jack Tripper vineyards down in Napa. Thank god I live in wine country. I wonder which wrestler's gonna be on that ice cream. The box shows a picture of The Rock on it. How fitting for a treat that's half vanilla and half chocolate.
Yippeee! THE UNDERTAKER! What better character to enjoy emblazoned on an ice cream treat than The Lord of The Undead himself? Rock on! I can't wait to take a bite.
Holy crap...I haven't eaten something this shitty before since they closed down SIZZLER! ACK! UNDERTAKER ICE CREAM BARS TASTE LIKE THE DEAD! I can't eat this..what a waste of money. Maybe I can get my dog to eat it...
Hey, Loki...come here...have a bit of this scrumptious treat!
That's it boy...eat it all up!
LOKI: RUFF! RUFF RUFF BOW WOOOOOOOOOOOOO! (translation: "Jesus Chist this Ice Cream Sucks! You feed me this shit again, and I'm gonna rip your throat out while you sleep!)
ME: Hey, Mr. T. How ya doin, my brother?
MR. T: Pretty damn good, sucka! Just tryin to clear my head with some of this fine Three's Company themed liquor you have here. But where the heck is that Mr. Roper Tequila? Damnit! I pity the fool that stole my Mr. Roper Tequila!
ME: Well hows about eating the rest of this Undertaker ice cream bar for me?
MR. T: Lemme have a bite! (munch munch) What the hell is this JIBBA JABBA? That's some stanky danky ice cream, SUCKA!
MR. T: Mmmmmnggghhhh! Now I'm on the crapper thanks to you sucka! I'm lactose intolerant! Damnit! I PITY THE FOOL THAT MADE ME EAT THAT UNDERTAKER ICE CREAM BAR!
(Note the scientific marvel of Mr. T's gold filled intestines, as they pass the Undertaker ice cream bar into the toilet, unscathed, and undigested. That Mr. T is one smooth operator!)
MR. T: I'm gonna kill the sucka that made that ice cream bar! UNDERTAKAH! I'm callin you out, FOOL!
KANE: Heeeee'ssss over therrrre...
UNDERTAKER: Uhhh, I'm not The Undertaker...I'm just a plastic likeness full of sour flavored gum!
MR. T: MMMmmmmmm MMmmmmmm
UNDERTAKER: AIIIEEEE! Have mercy on my chewy soul!
MR. T: Not 'til I'm through blowin' bubbles with your undead ass!