The 350 Pound Schizophrenic Messiah

In a music world full of derivative boy bands, teen queens, and rock stars too busy worrying about copy protecting their CDs than making sure there's anything worth listening to on them, it's refreshing to see an artist like Wesley Willis who is simply like nobody else you've ever heard in your life. A look at the picture above will show you he's like nobody you've ever seen, as well.

If the Messiah is a homeless schizophrenic 350 pound black man that sings about everything from sucking a horse's ass to going to eating too much food at McDonald's, then Wesley Willis is surely The Second Coming.

At first listen, Willis is a headshakingly awful musical experience. Crappy synthesizer accompanies his rants from another dimension with a quality that's below your average Nintendo game. But there's an honesty to his madness that makes him one of the more fun guys to listen to in an awful long time.

Willis was diagnosed with schizophrenia in 1989 and instead of laying in a gutter and peeing on himself, he chose instead to share his inner demons with the world in a musical form.

With over 400 recorded songs to date, you'd think he was a prolific master along the lines of Bob Dylan, but when you discover that the average time it takes to record one of his albums is less than 5 hours, it's clear that there's little thought at all put into his work. It's just the voices in his head taking over and talking for him.

Nearly all of his songs follow a pretty basic formula. Usually under 3 minutes, they start with him ranting about a celebrity, committing some offensive act, or his past, repeating the same phrase with ear numbing frequency, then ending the song with some inspired commercial phrase like, "Wheaties...Breakfast of Champions."

Wesley Willis is a pop culture barf bag belching out whatever he's collected through the years to anyone who cares to listen.

"Cut the Mullet" is probably one of Wesley Willis' greatest triumphs. Today's anti-Mullet sentiment is largely due to this masterpiece. A simple look at these lyrics explain why:

Do something about your long, filthy hair
It looks like a rat's nest
Do something about your mullet
Get out the hair clippers, jerk

Cut the mullet, Cut the mullet, Cut the mullet, Cut the mullet

Get the rat's nest off your head
Get that crazy-ass mother off your skull
Take your ass to the barber shop
Tell the barber that you're sick of looking like an asshole

Cut the mullet, Cut the mullet, Cut the mullet, Cut the mullet

The mullet is the reason why people hate you
They are sick of looking at your nappy weed-sack
Nobody wants to look at you with that mullet on your head
Why don't you cut that mullet, you numbskull

Rock over London, rock on Chicago
Insure One, it's the insurance superstore

Another great pair of Willis tunes is the remarkable, "I Whupped Batman's Ass" and "I Whipped Superman's Ass". At first glance you'd guess it was the same song with just the main character's name changed, but the clever nuances within make them both fantastic lyrical masterpieces.

Batman got on my nerves
He was running me amok
He ridiculed me calling me a bum

I wupped Batman's ass (repeat 6 times)

Batman thought he was bad
He was a fucking asshole in the first place
He got knocked to the floor

I wupped Batman's ass (repeat 5 times)

Batman beat the hell out of me and knocked me to the floor
I got back up and knocked him to the floor
He was being such a jackoff

I wupped Batman's ass (repeat 10 times)

Rock over London, rock on Chicago
Wheaties, breakfast of champions

Superman had a big "S" on his chest
He was drawing on my nerves
I got mad at his drunk ass
I gave him a war hell ride

I whipped Superman's ass (repeat 4 times)

Superman thought he was bad
He was messing with my girlfriend
I caught him in my room kissing her
I took a rubber hose and flogged his rump

I whipped Superman's ass (repeat 4 times)

Superman beat the hell out of me
He knocked me to the floor
I got back up and knocked him to the floor
Superman was being such a roughneck

I whipped Superman's ass (repeat 4 times)

Rock over London, rock on Chicago
Shell, it's the world's best-selling gasoline

When I saw him in concert, it was truly a mind-bending experience.  His "handlers" (and there's really no better way to describe them, as they bring him to the stage like he's King Kong), pour 6 large glasses of soy milk (4 plain, 2 chocolate) and set them up next to his chair.  He proceeds to chug a whole glass down in-between songs.  He also has a huge softball sized knot on his forehead from years of giving his famous "headbutt greeting" to fans. 

On Amazon.com, "Mike from Georgia" writes:

"Wesley Willis may well be one of the most under-rated musical talents of our time. His beautiful harmonies are only outdone by his creative lyrics. He should truly be an inspiration to us all. To quote just a line "Batman beat me up and knocked me to the floor... I then got up and knocked HIM to the floor." Truly beautiful work though it does him no justice. In this passage Wesley truly makes us feel the oppression he has suffered due to the likes of "Batman." It's poetry, sheer genius..."

Rock Over London, Rock On Chicago...KIX...Kid Tested, Mother Approved!