THE 100 MOST
ANNOYING THINGS of 2002

50 Major League Baseball Millionaires arguing with Billionaires, 'nuff said!
49 Nelly sometimes I wish someone would give him a real reason to wear a bandage on his cheek.
48 The Star Trek Franchise with the chronically boring "Enterprise" series and the pathetic NEMESIS film, McCoy's famous line, "He's dead, Jim" never rang more true.  You know it's bad when the Trek fans are starting to go to conventions dressed up as Gene Roddenberry's rotting corpse.

 

47 Blockbuster Video with 98% of their 2002 revenue coming from late fees (mostly mine), they have become the most evil company on planet earth.  Not satisfied with squeezing out every Mom and Pop video store in the country, they angered many by eliminating hundreds of thousands of videotapes from their stock.  Think they'd mark them down, or even, gasp, give them away?  NOPE!  To save on record keeping, they just threw them all away.

 

46 Jack Osbourne you'd think at least some of Ozzy's coolness would rub off on his son.  This freaky spaz seems more like the spawn of Janet Reno and Jm. J. Bullock.  Let's hope daddy bites his head off in a ratings stunt this November.
45 RIAA protector of artists freedoms.  After taking out Napster, they floundered horribly while they tried to bring Kazaa down.  For 2003 they plan to sue people who think about stealing music.
44 SNL I never thought I'd see the day when I'd actually choose to watch MAD TV instead.  Aside from Weekend Update, the sketch comedy classic has devolved into a gigantic pile of suck.  Time to chuck Lorne Michaels and crew, and bring some fresh blood on board.

 

43 R.Kelly after being charged with child molestation when a video of him urinating on a young teen surfaced, he quickly recorded a song, "Heaven I Need A Hug", to speak to his critics.  His planned marriage to that girl from the Pepsi commercials didn't help much, either.

 

42 Liza Minnelli and David Gest thank GOD their reality show on VH1 was canceled before it even aired.  This freakish duo is the scariest couple since Butch Patrick was on that celebrity dating show.  Gest is single-handedly keeping the Botox industry afloat.

 

41 Axl Rose with a surprise appearance at the MTV Music Video Awards, he scared his 3 remaining fans when he showed up with no eyebrows, Bo Derek braids, and 200 extra pounds.  After canceling 2 early shows in his comeback tour, the sponsor pulled the remaining performances.

 

40 Blue French Fries yeah, you have to make special funky colored ones, cause you know how hard it is to get kids to eat normal colored french fries.  Throw on the green ketchup and scar your children for life!
39 Jesus Hates SUVS Campaign some Christian environmentalists led a campaign against these big gas guzzlers, claiming Jesus wouldn't drive one because they are harmful to the atmosphere.  Well what the hell else was he going to fit 12 disciples in on a road trip?

 

38 Britney and Justin the most uninteresting couple on the face of the earth.  Did they really have sex?  Is there a secret video of them?  Sometimes I just pray for the ground to open up and swallow them whole, but figure it's better to shoot for more useful things like world peace, or Super Lotto.

 

37 Ralph Nader after shaking up the last Presidential campaign, Nader put his energies on important things like complaining about NBA Officiating.  Way to lead, Ralphie!
36 NBA Officiating but while we're on the subject, good lord!  During the Western finals, they let the Lakers make shots after the buzzer sounded, and called fouls no The Kings just for looking at other players funny.  There hasn't been this many screwy referee screw jobs since Bret Hart worked for the WWF.  At least the NBA is doing their part to employ the blind.

 

35 The Los Angeles Lakers riding high on their 3rd bullshit championship, their cockiness reached an all time high after dismissing the competition, and calling Sacramento "The Queens".  Luckily fate gave them one of their worst records in history to start the season, and Rick Fox got a wicked uppercut from Doug Christie on a pre-season game.  Their Christmas Day choke against The Kings made it even sweeter.  By the way, guess what center is NOT the leading vote getter for this year's All-Star game?  Shaq will be filming KAZAAM 2 in no time.

 

34 Winona Ryder remember when people used to actually go to jail when they stole things?
33 Disney Cruises if watching Treasure Planet or The Country Bears didn't already make you sick, just take a cruise on one of their fine virus infested cruise ships. 
32 Fear Factor nothing like watching terrified ladies scream their heads off while hissing cockroaches invade every orifice of their body as they swim in cat shit and are forced to drink Tabasco sauce.  Sounds a lot like my high school hazing incidents, now that I think about it.

 

31 Augusta Golf Protestors with sex slaves in Africa, forced abortions in China, and brutal treatment of wives in Afghanistan, you'd think the National Organization of Women would have bigger fish to fry than trying to get women admitted here. 

 

30 Austin Powers yeahhhh baby.  YEAHHHHHH BABY!!! YEAHHHHHH BABY!   YEAHHHHH BABBBEEEE!!!  Do I make you HORNEEEE?  HA HA HA!  That gets so much fucking funnier EVERY SINGLE TIME I HEAR IT!  DIE MIKE MYERS!   DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE!!!!!!!

 

29 Email Viruses ugh!  No lie, I get no less than 100 virus infested emails a day from everyone under the sun.  It's to the point where I have to delete every message with an attachment just to be safe.  It makes you wonder if the folks at McAffee and Norton are behind it all just to keep moving new product.

 

28 Jackass Imitators who did the parents of stupid kids sue before this show was on the air anyway?  Trust me, mom and dad, if your kid is stupid enough to set himself on fire, and jump off a speeding truck with a chainsaw strapped to his ass, they really should be removed from the gene pool, anyway.

 

27 2004 Democratic Presidential Hopefuls who'd have thought that Al Gore could actually look dynamic compared to these sour old windbags throwing their hats in the ring for the next election.  With Leibermen, Kerry, and Gephardt ready to run, Bush is guaranteed re-election.  Those guys should be forming exploratory committees in their colons.

 

26 Cell Phone Jerks it's bad enough that people can't drive with these things, but this new breed of asshole with the earpieces that walk in public seemingly shouting to themselves as if they're on an airplane with open windows is enough to make you crazy.  "Can you hear me now?"  YES!  THAT'S THE FUCKING PROBLEM, JACKASS, KEEP YOUR GODDAMN VOICE DOWN!

 

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