A HOUSE SCARIER THAN AMITYVILLE
An in depth look at my in-law's house in Eureka!

Now one of the best things about visiting Eureka and the surrounding Humboldt County is the beautiful deep old redwood forests that abound. As you can see from the photo they're pretty dense, and a home of Bigfoot, to boot.

And when we're we stay in my wife's parents house. Now don't get me wrong, they're the nicest people in the world, but staying in their house is such a mind boggling adventure, I'm probably one of the few people in the world that would enjoy it.

I've tried to classify their decoration motif for many years now, and the best thing I can come up with is that they're striving for that 70s Public Storage Shed look that never seemed to take off.

 

Let's take a look at the living room. Yep, that's 3 TELEVISIONS you're looking at there. They used to only have 2 of them, but after we gave them that big one on the left as a present (to hopefully get rid of the two), they just hooked it up and let the others stay. Get this, each one of them is separately hooked up for Cable, and it's not unusual for ALL THREE of them to be turned on at the same time. It's like relaxing and watching TV in the CNN Newsroom. And what living room isn't complete without a bicycle? If they actually rode it once within the last 5 years, I might understand, but it's literally just been sitting there. There used to be two unused bikes in the living room, so I suppose that's some sort of progress.

And if you look really carefully in the upper left, you'll see that there's a bottle of ARIZONA GREEN TEA on the shelf. No, it wasn't just left there by accident. They think it looks pretty.

 

This lightswitch is happy to see you. This is the room my wife grew up in. Now that weird fetish she has to make me dress up as a clown before we have sex makes sense.

 

Here in the closet, you can see the legendary Vaccuum Burial Ground. If you turn that rusty one on in the middle, I think you'll go back in time.

 

And as we enter the office, you can see the gorgeous baseball hat ceiling decor that was in last month's MARTHA STEWART magazine.

 

As you dare to go inside this room, and look to the right, you'll see handy use of office organization. But what's that in the closet? Let's take a closer look.

 

Is that computers I see? Yep! 3 different TRS 80 Color Computers. I suppose that's in case her dad has 2 friends over and wants to each use their own on the 3 TVs in the living room.

 

How about this lovely dining room? Look on the wall and you can see that they've hung a lovely laserdisc on the wall. I asked them why, and it's because they think the prism effect on it's pretty neat. Though don't ask me why they even have a laserdisc, they don't even have a player. And what table isn't complete without a joke fountain that looks as if a magical gold faucet is making water out of thin air?

 

Here in the guest room, we have a lovely giant bootleg pink smurf. And there's some mysterious paper hanging on the wall. A closer look will reveal that it's art lessons from 1991! "Draw perspective", "practice shading", and the like. Yep, those have been hanging there for nearly 10 YEARS!

 

This bumper sticker hanging on the bedroom door (and what couple over 60 doesn't do that?), clearly shows the cleaning mission statement for the house.

Well there you have it. I'd write more, but it's time to watch TV and I don't want to miss the FRASIER, A-TEAM, HARRY POTTER triplecast.

-Robert
webmaster@retrocrush.com