WIN AN X-ARCADE JOYSTICK!
THE CADILLAC OF JOYSTICKS CAN BE YOURS, JUST TRY TO IDENTIFY THESE CLASSIC ARCADE GAMES!

I'm not one that's in to playing modern video games too much.  I'm still stuck in the 80s as far as arcades go.  Give me Dig Dug and Pole Position over Insane Uzi Killspree Fighter: EXTREME Edition any day.  Luckily, there's a free program called MAME (Multiple Arcade Machine Emulator) that allows you to download and play the classics right on your PC.  These aren't bad adaptations of the games like Atari used to make, but ROM files of the actual original versions that play exactly the same (down to the requirement to inserting a virtual coin to begin playing).

Finding these games has proven more difficult as companies that own the copyrights to them have been threatening web sites that have them up for grabs.  But I'll share some ways they can be obtained with a little effort before this is all through.

Track and Field has some of the most fast button slapping action
since Atari's 1981 classic, "Super Fast Button Slapper"

One of my main pet peeves about playing these games is that using a computer keyboard for the controller just flat out sucks in some cases.  Fast action games, or those that require numerous buttons like Defender prove to be damn near impossible.  So when I stumbled upon the joysticks offered by X-Arcade, I couldn't believe my eyes.

X-Arcade not only makes heavy duty arcade quality joysticks, but they are optimized to work directly with the MAME program.  And by utilizing your serial or USB port, they're ready to work with no additional software requirements.

These things are monsters!  They're heavy as hell and are literally designed to fit right inside of a custom arcade cabinet, but the titanic weight works well on your desktop, as you and a friend can be pounding away with no chance of it wiggling off the table.  The buttons are the same grade as those used by actual arcade machines, and the joysticks feel as if they could withstand a tremendous beating.  Of course, the lifetime warranty on these babies makes any worry of abuse go away, regardless.

The best part is not only do these things work with your PC and the MAME program, but adapters are available to make it compatible with X-BOX, PS1/PS2, Dreamcast and Gamecube systems as well.

The "unlikely" hybrid of fast food and videogames was brought
together in the Data East game, Burger Time.  When I was a kid I used
to pretend the chef was being chased by giant severed penises and
misshapen breast implants.  I was also locked in a closet until I was 12.

I got the 2 player version, and if you're a real arcade afficianado, I'd recommend you do the same.  With games like Battlezone, Crazy Climber, and Robotron 2084 that require 2 joysticks, it works like a dream.

If you'd like some links on how to download MAME for your computer CLICK here to get the program and some tips on getting the ROM files.  (I recommend using a program like Kazaa, where you can find a ton of them simply by typing "MAME").

In the meantime, the fine folks at x-arcade.com are letting us give away the single player version of their joystick to a lucky retroCRUSH fan.  We thought we'd make it fun by throwing out another one of our "Name That Arcade Game" contests.  Send us an email numbered 1-40 with your answers and see how many you can get!  I will randomly choose 1 winner on January 1, 2004.  If you have at least 15 of them right, you'll win (to give you non-arcade geeks a chance!).

Mail your entries to contests@retrocrush.com! And remember, WINNERS DON'T DO DRUGS! 

All email entries will be given to x-arcade and you'll get a nice promotional thanks email from them in the future, but it will not be given to any other party.  Good luck!

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PSYCHIC ABUSE against NON-PSYCHICS!
A LOOK A THE AMAZING WORKS OF TAMMY

The forums at SOMETHING AWFUL contain some of the most wonderfully humorous and bizarre content known to mankind.  I came across this amazing documentation today, and asked the author, Melody, if I could share it here.  It's easily to laugh at the craziness of it all, but it's a remarkable look at an insane collection of work from a woman named Tammy who apparently had an awful lot more going on inside of her head than a casual observer would be aware of.

CLICK HERE TO LOOK AT THE PSYCHIC ADVENTURE OF A LIFETIME!

BATTLE OF THE MISER BROS.
THE HOT AND FRIGID STARS OF "A YEAR WITHOUT A SANTA CLAUS" FACE OFF ONCE AND FOR ALL!

I'm a big time fan of the great puppet animation Christmas specials by Rankin and Bass.  From "Santa Claus is Coming To Town" to "Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer" they've never failed to please.  My favorite, though, without a doubt, is 1974's "A Year Without A Santa Claus".  Mickey Rooney returns as Santa and Shirley Booth (TV's "Hazel") does a fantastic job as Mrs. Claus, but it's the incredible (and all too brief) appearances by Snow Miser and Heat Miser that make the special an all time classic!

The two brothers just don't get along.  Just like Pat Benatar said in her song, "Fire and Ice"... "you come on like a flame, but you turn a cold shoulder!"  I don't know why I quoted that, but it makes it look like I know what I'm talking about if you're just skimming this for the pictures.

But who's really the better of the two Miser Brothers?  Is it "Mister 101" or "Mister 10 Below"?  Hopefully we can settle this once and for all, with a little help from you!

CLICK HERE FOR THE ELEMENTAL BATTLE OF THE CENTURY!