MY GOSH!  SHE'S CHEWING!!!!!
Remembering Baby Alive (and wondering what her food tastes like)
Robert Berry rberry@retrocrush.com

Baby Alive was a great toy from 1972 that let little girls feed her and even change her diapers (much like the less successful "Grandpa's Barely Alive" doll that came out the year before). 

Baby Alive was a great way for little girls to know what it's like to raise a real baby, only without the pain of stretch marks, and those sleepless nights when the little shit WON'T  STOP CRYING NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO AND YOU ONLY GET 5 MINUTES OF SLEEP BEFORE IT'S TIME TO GET UP AT 5AM SO YOU CAN WORK ALL DAMNED DAY IN THE SHIPPING WAREHOUSE JUST SO YOU CAN BLOW HALF YOUR PAY ON FORMULA, PAMPERS, AND FREAKING RASH CREAM!  THANKS A LOT BABY ALIVE, FOR MAKING MY LIFE A LIVING HELL, YOU LITTLE DEMON SEED!

Sorry, that was a bit harsh.  I asked for a Baby Alive for Christmas, and my parents just laughed at me.  They just said something stupid like, "You're a 33 year old man, why are you asking for this?" and "The restraining order says you're not supposed to call here anymore!"  Is it any wonder I have "problems"?

I love how the ad mentions she comes with "Doll Food".  They have to put it in quotes because it's just figurative "Doll Food" and not real "Doll Food". And thank the lord it's "NON-TOXIC", because you wouldn't want to feed anything harmful to a PLASTIC BABY!

That had me wondering what was actually in that food.  Could someone really eat it?  The problem is the "Doll Food" was made over 30 years ago, surely there's not any left, as those hungry little Baby Alives must have eaten them all by now.

Or did they?

HOLY SHIT!  Look what I found!  3 unopened packages of Baby Alive FOOD REFILLS from 1972!  They will be arriving in the mail shortly, and I will put it to the test!

As you can see from the flavors above, you can choose from "Cheery Cherry", "Yummy Banana", and "Delicious Lime".  Are these really delicious?  I'll be the judge of that! 

STAY TUNED FOR THE EXCITING CONCLUSION WHEN I MAKE AND EAT THESE YUMMY BABY ALIVE MEALS! 

 


 


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