retroRANDY REVIEWS BATHROOMS of THE 70s
We love Randy here at retroCRUSH, because he spends all his free time poking
through thrift stores finding crazy old catalogs and home improvement books from
yesteryear to make fun of! He doesn't eat, sleep (or bathe,
unfortunately), but his round the clock efforts to make us happy don't go
unappreciated. Here's Randy's latest commentary on a particularly shocking
batch of beastly bathrooms!
The world would be a better place if every child had a John Wayne Gacy throw rug
in their bathroom! Makes a great gift idea for those kids you want to keep
warm in your crawlspace. And bathroom isn't complete without a patriotic
donkey sitting on the toilet?
This is your indoor paradise. Kick your shoes off, take a nap, and watch someone
crap. Don't forget to call mom or fall asleep to the soothing sounds of your
favorite friend shitting crapping out last night's undercooked pork.
No need to run out of toilet paper in this "green friendly" bathroom. Grab a
leaf off the tree & start wiping. Feel free to smoke a bowl or two of John
Lennon's dried remains in our combination Peace Bong/Penis Enlarger located to
the left of the sink. Don't forget to grab a snack of candied cow testicles
(located near the bath) on your way out.
This is for those closet dumpers out there. You know who you are! The air tight
patented design is perfect for those of you who crave the stench of your own gas
in close quarters!
This Starbucks Frappuccino Enema kit is a crowd pleaser in any house!
Go ahead...shower, watch TV, rub your naked ass on a faux Leopard skin chair,
take the ghost out of the jar, or teleport to another Universe. This bathroom is
loaded with ALL the extras.
The special edition bathroom is made entirely of Play-Doh. Be creative! Use your
imagination to mold the genitalia of your favorite Farm animal! Or use the
Play-Doh Fun Factory to add decorative squeezins into the toilet bowl.
New from the Paris Hilton bathroom collection. This combination quickie sex bed,
secret flashlight video recorder, and washing machine is perfect for the on the
go "fuck annoying multibillionaire or street hooker and leave" big dick,
business types. Record your favorite video moments in blur-O-vision & wash the
hootchie momma smell off of your favorite dress shirt all at the same time. Your
spouse will never suspect the kinky cheater you really are. Plus, don't
worry about missing the toilet seat. Everything's already brown and
yellow, so nobody will be the wiser!