MONKEY RAPES CHINESE BOY!
In my numerous visits to the 99
cent store, I've come across many amazing things, but nothing could prepare me
for the odd assortment of statues I found yesterday. These seemingly
innocent figurines portray some of the most filthy degenerate behavior I've seen
captured in statue form since the Franklin Mint offered that creepy "Richard
Simmons Felches The Dead" set from the early 80s. Let's take a look at
these shocking statues!
This poor kid never had a chance!
Apparently in China, there are roving packs of gay rapist monkeys that make
quick work of hapless lads who carelessly lounge about the grass in the jungle.
Repeating the sick cycle of
pervisity, the poor little Chinese boy decides to take out his aggression on a
hapless tiger. This is one tiger that's going to get a bowl full of
Frosted Flakes, if you know what I mean ('cause I don't).
Here's another example of the sick
minds of Chinese sculptors allowed to work unchecked, without any sense of
common decency. The feeling of terror invoked by the boy staring at the
snake is eerie indeed. Run, Ling Po, RUN before he bites your face and
lays his eggs in your mouth so you give birth to millions of snake babies
exactly 9 months later (And for you science types, I know that sounds
crazy, but sometimes there's things that sound so crazy, it just might work).
In China, there's no such thing as
Chuck E. Cheese, so when a Chinese Boy wants to celebrate his birthday, his
parents let him play with one of the many giant sized rats that make up 30% of
the country's population.
CHINESE HISTORY PRO TIP: The
Great Wall of China was built by rats!
Here's a Chinese Boy passing the
day away with that age old Chinese game, "Find the Gold In The Pig's Ear!"
I looked and there wasn't any gold in that pig's ear, but a quick check into the
sow's urethra revealed an entire vein of silver. SCORE!
Jeez, what do the animals eat in
China to get so gosh darned big? No wonder they have that Godzilla
problem! (# of emails I get correcting me that I should have said, "Japan"
= 742). If I didn't know any better, I'd say this kid was asking for that
rabbit's hand in marriage! He's "hareless" no more! HAW HAW HAW!
"COME HERE YOU DRAGON BITCH!
WHO'S YOUR DADDY NOW, SLUT! WHO'S YOUR DADDY!"
"Well, I'm hung like a,
oh...what's that metaphor again?"
NO CAPTION REQUIRED!
HERE to bid on these fine statues, the entire collection, in our exciting