Robert Berry

In my numerous visits to the 99 cent store, I've come across many amazing things, but nothing could prepare me for the odd assortment of statues I found yesterday.  These seemingly innocent figurines portray some of the most filthy degenerate behavior I've seen captured in statue form since the Franklin Mint offered that creepy "Richard Simmons Felches The Dead" set from the early 80s.  Let's take a look at these shocking statues!

This poor kid never had a chance!  Apparently in China, there are roving packs of gay rapist monkeys that make quick work of hapless lads who carelessly lounge about the grass in the jungle. 

Repeating the sick cycle of pervisity, the poor little Chinese boy decides to take out his aggression on a hapless tiger.  This is one tiger that's going to get a bowl full of Frosted Flakes, if you know what I mean ('cause I don't).

Here's another example of the sick minds of Chinese sculptors allowed to work unchecked, without any sense of common decency.  The feeling of terror invoked by the boy staring at the snake is eerie indeed.  Run, Ling Po, RUN before he bites your face and lays his eggs in your mouth so you give birth to millions of snake babies exactly 9 months later  (And for you science types, I know that sounds crazy, but sometimes there's things that sound so crazy, it just might work).

In China, there's no such thing as Chuck E. Cheese, so when a Chinese Boy wants to celebrate his birthday, his parents let him play with one of the many giant sized rats that make up 30% of the country's population. 

CHINESE HISTORY PRO TIP:  The Great Wall of China was built by rats!

Here's a Chinese Boy passing the day away with that age old Chinese game, "Find the Gold In The Pig's Ear!"  I looked and there wasn't any gold in that pig's ear, but a quick check into the sow's urethra revealed an entire vein of silver.  SCORE!

Jeez, what do the animals eat in China to get so gosh darned big?  No wonder they have that Godzilla problem!  (# of emails I get correcting me that I should have said, "Japan" = 742).  If I didn't know any better, I'd say this kid was asking for that rabbit's hand in marriage!  He's "hareless" no more!  HAW HAW HAW!


"Well, I'm hung like a, oh...what's that metaphor again?"


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Robert Berry,, or their respective copyright holders.
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