THE WORLD'S CRAZIEST CEREAL BOXES
Robert Berry rberry@retrocrush.com

Here's a look at some of the craziest cereal boxes I've ever seen! 

What kid didn't enjoy "sugar sparkled numbers of corn" for breakfast?  Though the possibility of having "666" floating in your spoon is scary, I'm sure this was taken off the shelves once prudish 60s mothers got sick of their smartass kids shouting, "Mom, I heard Dad put "1" in your mouth last night!"  (OK, that was just me).

Ahhh...good ol' Klondike Pete's Crunch Nuggets.  This creepy cereal was almost as popular as Klondike Pete's Stinky Bits O' Corn. 

Wow!  This brings back memories.  I haven't had Fruity Freakies for breakfast since the last time Siegfried and Roy spent the night. 

While Tony The Tiger let you know that Frosted Flakes were, "GRRRREAAAT!", Yogi Bear's cereal aimed a little lower.  The cereal was a big hit with the KKK and kids named "KOKO", however.

Of course, OK's still sounds better than OJ's!  The only thing worse than a cereal with the same name as Mr. Simpson, is... a cereal that tastes like ORANGES!  How fucking gross is that?  You might as well make Toothpaste and Lemonade Flavored Cereal, while you're at it.

There's just something sinister about a cereal called "Mr. Wonderfull's Surprize" that brags about 'creamy chocolate filling."

Not just Ralston, but SHREDDED Ralston!  Well, if Liz Taylor's endorsing it, you know it will keep you healthy, trim, and will prevent you from turning into an ugly old hag, right? 

At last!  FROSTED SUGAR STARS!  No longer did kids have to settle for just plain old bland tasting un-frosted SUGAR STARS.

UG!  This cereal is HEAP BIG racist!  Taken off the market for being offensive to Native Americans, this packaging of Post Toasties is now only used in casinos.

Of course, THIS cereal isn't racist at all...

Now your little girl can eat breakfast just like Barbie does, which likely involves inducing vomiting after every bowl.  (Hey, Barbie's gotta work hard to keep that 2 inch waist!)


Special bonus! 
THE EVOLUTION OF SUGAR TITLED CEREALS

Even through the 70s, a cereal had no qualms about calling itself something like SUPER SUGAR FROSTED SWEETY HYPER BOMBS because kids actually played outside enough to burn of the million calorie breakfasts that accompanied them.  But once the "health conscious" 80s came about, cautious moms didn't want to buy the stuff anymore, so the folks at the cereal companies just carefully retitled them. 

 

Take "Sugar Smacks" for instance.  From the 50s through the 70s there was no problem with the name.  Then, as you'll notice in the 3rd picture, the word "Sugar" shrank down quite a bit.  Later, though no less sugar was in the stuff, it was renamed "Honey Smacks", and then curiously shortened to just "Smacks".  Its funny when you live in a time when "Smack" is a healthier word than "Sugar."

Other cereals with similar name changes were Sugar Crisp (which went to something as cool as Super Sugar Crisp to lame old Super Golden Crisp), Sugar Frosted Flakes (which became just "Frosted Flakes"...frosted with what?), and Sugar Corn Pops (which is now just called "Pops".)

You can see even more crazy cereal boxes at THE IMAGINARY WORLD!  Also check out the great new book they've put out, called "CRAZY KIDS FOOD", as well!

 


 


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