FURNITURE FROM THE 70s
Having a friend like Randy is great because he always finds the craziest things at thrift stores. Like this book, "The Practical Encyclopedia of Good Decorating" published in 1970. It's as if an evil version of Martha Stewart (if there is such a thing), went back in time and had her way with interior design. Randy and I are going to tag-team this one with comments about this mucho fabuloso decor from the Dark Ages of American culture.
RANDY: I can't tell if this is shag carpet, or weeds!
ROBERT: If I was growing up in that house, I'd pretend I was living inside of Loni Anderson's pubic hair.
RANDY: Zebra stripes + white wicker should be punishable by instant death!
ROBERT: The carpet is really a series of dresses stolen from "Little Dot".
RANDY: Wasn't she that comic character that was obsessed with dots?
ROBERT: Right, and she had that fat friend, "Little Lotta". Those were good old days when you could get your own comic book just for being fat, or a retarded duck. Harvey Comics was ahead of their time.
RANDY: Ha ha! People didn't really live in houses like this?
ROBERT: Holy shit, this is almost just like my in-law's living room! CLICK HERE and see for yourself!
RANDY: This blood red room eliminates the need to wear a tampon to bed ever again!!! Plus, if you decide to kill your husband during a PMS attack they'll have a hard time finding him because he'll blend right into the walls.
ROBERT: Wasn't this one of the rooms in "The Amityville Horror"?
ROBERT: It's like I'm trapped in a giant Kleenex box!
RANDY: The Daisies! The Daisies! They're alive I tell you! They're grouping together because they want to feast on on the droppings from your butt-hole!
RANDY: It's a bench...no it's a table! You're both wrong it's a Bench-O-Table by Ronco! Order yours today for $19.99. Act now and you'll also receive the Bra-Blender absolutely free.
ROBERT: I have the strangest
urge to buy a roll of scotch tape!
RANDY: Jeez, that's a lot of shag!
ROBERT: It looks like someone skinned a Yeti for that rug! At least there werent' any Anne Rice books back in the 70s, so it isn't that bad of a library.
RANDY: For some reason, I can see Dr. Smith from "Lost in Space" living hear.
ROBERT: Pleather-iffic and Naughalicious!
RANDY: Can't decide on a color for your rug? Then why not try EVERY COLOR!
ROBERT: I think this rug is from The Partridge Family's bus.
RANDY: You're shitting me! Even the fridge matches the walls!
ROBERT: Jeez, it looks like Jeffrey Dahmer's refrigerator.