THE GREATEST BREASTS IN HISTORY
VOLUME ONE

Though much has been made of how Janet Jackson's breast has changed the way we live, many forget that breasts have been shaping world events since the dawn of time.  From the moment they first appeared on the earth, man has been hypnotized, transfixed, and stupefied by breasts.  There's hundreds of  for these marvelous creations (CLICK HERE for a ton), and an equal amount of different shapes, sizes, colors, and textures.  So join us in our multi-part tribute to the great breasts of history!  Starting with the first...

EVE

How could we ignore the woman with the first breasts ever?  Man, did Adam score having a grown woman created from scratch with fully developed breasts that didn't even have a day's worth of gravity on them yet!  As you can see from this rare photo taken at the dawn of time, Adam could barely keep his hands off 'em!  Though I still can't figure out why she has a belly button.

   VENUS

Not only is she the Goddess of Love, but she's got a great set of jugs as well!  Her beauty has transfixed painters, sculptors, and Banarama for ages.  Hundreds of years before porno mags, young Renaissance era boys had to sneak this painting under their mattress for sexual release.  And her statue Venus di Milo, started the disturbing trend of amputee porn.

MARIE ANTOINETTE

If the painting above is any indication of how Marie Antoinette really looked, she was a flat out SKAG.  But many people believe that her breasts are responsible for inspiring the shape of the champagne glass.  Now, I've seen a lot of different shaped breasts in my day (some even with permission), and I simply can't fathom the long cone shaped monstrosities that looked like a champagne glass.  Many people don't realize that her vagina was the model for most modern day ash-trays, but that's a story for another feature.

CAROLINE OTERO

In the late 1800s, Caroline Otero made her fortune in France by dazzling men with her singing and dancing skills.  Her seductive beauty was enhanced with performances featuring her breasts covered with actual jewels.  After having affairs with the kings of Spain, England, and Serbia, as well as other notables from Russia, she drove men to fight duels over her affections.

It's said that her breasts were so famous that they inspired the design of the towers you see below of the Carlton Hotel in Cannes (pictured above).  You can see more pictures of this lovely historical temptress (who lived to be a feisty 97) by visiting THIS SITE.

THEDA BARA

Though most of her films can't bee seen any longer, as the work she created between 1915-1926 has been lost forever, Theda Bara was the first female sex symbol of the movies.  With her dark and "gothic before gothic existed" vamp characters, Theda amazed audiences with getups like this with tremendous success.  Even her stage name, which was a backward anagram for "Arab Death" was mysterious.  And like Caroline Otero, Bara used the technique of gluing jewels to her breasts, as pictured above. Her legacy in using breasts to sell movie tickets endears to this day.

JEAN HARLOW

The Illustrated Book of Sexual Records has a great piece on Harlow that I'd like to reprint here, that says it all:

"The eroticism of Theda Bara was generalised, with no particular item or mode of behaviour coming in for particular emphasis. In any event her breasts were not vast, so there was little scope for concentration on them! Not so with Jean Harlow. This latter actress usually gets the credit for focusing the erotic interest, for the first time on the screen, on a woman's breasts. At the end of the nineteen twenties it was the flat-chested flappers who symbolised screen sex. Harlow's breasts were only large (34-inch bust) compared to the boyish females who had appeared on the screen before her- but she heaved up her breasts and used them to advantage. Harlow was said to be a compulsive exhibitionist, a "sexual provocatrice who knew the effect her body made on men." Her nipples were supposed to expand as the room temperature went up; and before a Press conference she would rub them with ice."

For pioneering large breasts in movies, and iced nipples, let's give praise to Jean Harlow!

And CLICK HERE to visit our full retroCRUSH Jean Harlow Gallery.

Stay tuned for our next installment, coming soon!

-Robert Berry
rberry@retrocrush.com