(INSERT DISASTER MOVIE CLICHE HEADLINE
"Someday a real rain will
come and wash all this scum off the streets."
-Travis Bickle, Taxi Driver
I think a good idea would be
to put soldiers outside of any theater playing "The Day After Tomorrow", and ask
everyone whether or not they liked the film. Anyone who answers "Yes” will get
carted off to a remote location and will never be seen from again. This would
not only send a strong message to stop making movies that are this
stupid, but it would raise the collective IQ of our country in the process.
I enjoy mindless endeavors when the film delivers on a brainless level that you
can laugh with, not at. Movies like Death Race 2000, the Japanese Godzilla
movies, and the Rocky saga, are all stupid at heart, but they know they’re
stupid and you can enjoy them for what they are. This is merely a stupid movie
that requires the audience to be stupid to enjoy it.
“The Day After Tomorrow” has an aura of pretension about it that’s amazing. It
tries to be an epic with an important message, but ends up being a May sweeps
period TV movie with an outrageous budget.
Perhaps if Dennis teamed up
with his wacky brother Randy and took road trip across the frozen country, this
movie would have been more entertaining.
This film was so
bad it made me angry. Nearly everyone around me was groaning at the awful
dialogue and unbelievably stupid effects. Except for the stupid people in the
theater. There's a scene where a guy falls through a ceiling at a shopping mall
and says, "I just thought I'd drop in and do a little shopping!", and some
people actually laughed. Roland Emerich is the patron saint of idiots.
Is it so much to ask that a movie that spends $125 Million to put at least $500K
towards hiring a writer that can put a decent script with characters that you
can work up some sort of empathy for? The whole world may get destroyed in this
film, and we’re forced to watch a grimacing Dennis Quaid, 3 teenagers imported
straight out of Dawson’s Creek, and a “loveable hobo” that spouts advice like,
“There’s always something good to eat in the trash!”
DONNIE DARKO 2:
Here's just a
sampling of the stupid things in this movie:
-People running down a hallway while being chased by COLD! Yep, frost coats the
walls and floors like some sort of alien thing as they run away from it.
-Dennis Quaid hikes from Philadelphia to Downtown New York in the middle of a
blistering snowstorm, in 2 DAYS! (Dragging his unconscious friend, as well).
-People stay warm in a library by burning all the books, yet wooden furniture is
strewn about all over the place.
Of course, when
you base a film on a book by Art Bell, a radio host who has special hotlines for
Chupacabra and Immortals from the Future to call in, you get what you pay for.
Ehhhh, forget it! I want to just burn this movie from my mind. You know a movie
sucks when it's free and you still want to leave early.
"YOU MANIACS! YOU BLEW IT
UP. DAMN YOU. GOD DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!"
-Taylor, Planet of The Apes
And the ending?
What a load of garbage... here's the spoiler…
The new ice age actually cleans up the
air so there’s no more pollution…YAYYYYY!
Seriously...it's three strikes for this guy. Godzilla was actually a better film
than this fiasco.
It's not even bad in a great to make fun of it kind of bad. It's just put your
head in your hands and weep for humanity bad. And if you’re one of those people
who expect it to be cheese, and thought the trailer looked promising for special
effects to marvel at, don’t bother. There’s nothing new that you haven’t already
seen in the commercials, and the effects comprise about 8 total minutes of
What’s even more
shocking is the way the media is eating this movie up as some sort environmental
line in the sand. Al Gore and other politicians are actually using this film to
debate global warming! At this rate, we can count on Congress to use Dawn of the
Dead to discuss overpopulation, and Planet of The Apes, so we can start treating
monkeys better so they won’t take over the world.
To further politicize the issue, the director has reportedly donated more than
$200,000 to make his film “Carbon Neutral”, by having thousands of trees
planted, in hopes that they oxygen they would produce offsets the carbon dioxide
created during the making of this film. It’s just too bad he didn’t have the
foresight to prevent the bad gas made by this movie in the first place.
I can't rate this film low enough. It's easily one of the worst movies
I've ever seen.