A DIRTY SHAME INDEED

Take it from me with absolute confidence that this movie sucks. It only opened on 130 screens or so last week, so you won't likely see it in theaters, but if you're in a town where this is playing, avoid it at all costs.

Why should you believe me? I LOVE John Waters and think he's one of the funniest most twisted filmmakers out there. I adore Pink Flamingoes and Serial Mom. I even got to interview John a few weeks ago, but despite all the studio hype I've been wallowing in...I just can't buy it.

There's a character in this movie that gets his rocks off by leaving "floaters". He shits in toilets but doesn't flush, jumping up and down and clapping with glee when some unsuspecting soul stumbles on his handiwork. That's what this whole movie feels like. Imagine an old man shouting "POOPY" and expecting young hip audiences to think it's shocking.

The movie stinks. Waters tells the story of people who mysteriously develop insane sexual fetishes when they get a massive blow to the head. Gradually this turns the whole town into raving sex maniacs, who like out of control zombies in the Living Dead films, take over the city and force the "Neuters" (the "regular" folk) to hole up in a mini-mart and defend their decency.

That's pretty much the whole story and it's just a ludicrous waste of time.

Sure, there's a few funny lines, but I found myself laughing at the movie more than with it. The final 20 minutes is so insanely stupid, it was all I could do to keep from walking out of the theater.

As a fan of gross-out cinema, there admittedly is some nice moments to get revolted by. A man who is stimulated by dirt ends up chugging down the contents of a dirty flower vase, and an ash-tray in scenes that are as stomach churning as any of the intestine eating scenes that George Romero could have thought of.

In many ways, it's no different than the early silly sick shit that Waters gave us in the early 70s, but the low budget charm of those films lends itself for a more underground feel that works so much better with trash cinema. The large budget and big-time cast ends up making all holes show up more than ever. Johnny Knoxville has been in movies with people that snort wasabi powder, but it's a shame that Tracy Ullman and Selma Blair had to be associated with this fiasco.

Next to The Day After Tomorrow, I'd rate this as the 2nd worst film I've seen this year.

Better luck next time, John.