retroCRUSH is hardly a political website.  Hell, it's not even a goat porn site, but that doesn't stop us from bringing you hot nanny on nanny action!  Anyway, when I was approached by my illustrious TV producer, Jason G to vent about the FCC's silliness, I was more than eager to give him a platform to spew upon.  And when Gary Finn asked to do the same, well... I owe him $40 so I couldn't refuse.  I hope you enjoy this insightful contrast on censorship, and just about everything else going on in this great country!

The New America: An Orwellian Theocracy.
By Jason Giacopelli (producer of retroCRUSH TV)

"Call out the instigators
Because there's something in the air
We've got to get together sooner or later
Because the revolution's here, and you know it's right
And you know that it's right
We have got to get it together
We have got to get it together now"
-Thunderclap Newman

"The Christian right is neither". It's a favorite quote of mine, I once read it from a bumper sticker on the 405. Retro Crush is not a political website, quite the opposite in fact. However the current atmosphere in our country is so alarming, so McCarthy like, that it just can't be ignored.

\De*moc"ra*cy\, n.; 1. Government by the people; a form of government in which the supreme power is retained and directly exercised by the people.

2. Government by popular representation; a form of government in which the supreme power is retained by the people, but is indirectly exercised through a system of representation and delegated authority periodically renewed; a constitutional representative government; a republic.

I defy any one person to prove to me on any legal grounds why same sex couples can't be allowed to marry. Have we already forgotten the entire Civil Rights movement? What was it, 40 something years ago that interracial marriages weren't allowed? That being Black in this country meant you were not equal under the law. Now it's if you're homosexual - then your rights do not count or allow for equal protection under the law. This is the most insane thing I can imagine. Are these people serious? Why do they feel the need to exercise this much legal hate? It's really quite sad that we are supposed to be a free country, and yet we are the least tolerant. Not us as a whole, but the people who feel that they speak for us. If I understand the opponents of this right, its because their god, the one that lots of other people might not believe in, is rumored to have said two thousand years ago that it was bad or not what he thought we should do? Are you fucking joking me? How does this make sense to anyone living in the 21st century? You can not, must not, deny anyone basic rights because if what they do in their own private life does not fit into your asinine religious doctrine.

So once again a small group of people are affecting the rest of us. The line between Religion and State has been blurred even further, and guess what? America is slowly becoming an Orwellian Theocracy. A place where the thought police are watching and waiting for you to slip up and stand out, ready to take away your basic freedoms in the name of security. No, I don't have a tin foil hat, nor do I live in my parents' basement. I live in the United States of America. Or so I thought. It seems now we are headed in another direction, a scary direction ruled by fear, by suspicion and control over what we do, see & hear. These people freaked out over Janet Jackson's breasts. A breast. Really, they did. Since when is this the worst thing on TV, because if it is you have not been watching the news, brought to you by the fear spreading, "if it bleeds it leads people". And if I remember right, teenage pregnancy came before MTV, Janet's Hooters and gay marriage. So quit with the think-of-the- children nonsense and parent your kids.

Frankly I am amazed at the deafening silence sweeping over us. Where are the great supporters of freedom? Where is the ACLU? Tim Robbins & Susan Sarandon? Why are you so quiet? Where are the advocates of free speech, the people who fight for separation of Church and State? Where are they? They managed to get a stone copy of the Ten Commandments removed from a courthouse, man did they get behind that effort. But same sex marriages, silence. Why are they are not taking to the airwaves, the streets, to protest this insane attempt to amend the US Constitution and lead us into culture of fear and loathing of those who do not live the way they (the kooky religious people) want us to live?

Now, with Howard Stern thrust into the middle of this culture war, the silence is downright scary. People have left him in the wind to face this alone. Why? Are you going to wait until they come for you? If you do, there might not be anyone left to listen. Howard Stern is perceived by those wacky religious folks as the devil himself. Seriously, these people thrive on hating him, hoping to silence him and others like him. They spend their time trying to silence anyone that does not go along with their own personal belief system. They feel it's their own personal Jesus-given mission to tell me & you how to live. 'Cause Jesus said so. It's sick. It's scary. And why aren't you doing something about it, why aren't we all? Howard Stern is always accused of indecency, being a racist and other subjective things. He's none of them. I've listened to the show for 10 years. And I enjoy it, daily. Yet he is directly under attack, and we are letting it happen. Our silence is leading the charge, and clearing the way for fanatics both in the White House, the FCC, and the Government as a whole. They are supposed to represent the majority, yet they do not, they only represent the small minority of loudmouths who have nothing else to do but demand harsh decency laws. What is decency? I have yet to find anything Howard Stern does indecent. Indecent is a guy who drops his pants at an elementary school, not Howard Stern talking about a naked woman and her breasts.

The religious right would have you believe these are the same thing. These are the same people who bring us Anti-Abortion activist. In my opinion they are indecent, sick, depraved monsters. They wave those horrible signs in people's faces, block people from getting a legal medical procedure done, and when that fails they kill doctors and blow things up. Yet, they do this in the name of their God, their mystical unseen overlord who drives them to commit acts of violence for the sake of saving souls. What the fuck is the matter with people?

This week a bill was rushed through Congress that raises the fines for indecency on the public air-waves. $500 grand a pop. And guess what, the person accused is personally responsible for those fines. Who decided to elect a moral monitor? Not me and not you. Nope, this is all part of George W Bush's, Ashcroft's, the religious right's and the FCC's new plan for America. A new bold America where Fear and Censorship rules the land and anything suspect is squashed.

This country was set up so that religion would not, could not control the government. It was the whole reason people came here in the first place. Here we are in the 21st century, the supposed modern age, and we are headed into the quagmire of fanatical doctrines that threaten to take over every aspect of our lives. Look where religion has gotten us. The Middle East is a living hell, and why, because men have decided they know what God wants. They believe so fiercely in these fairy tales, that people are killing others en masse. Over what, my God is better than your God? How is it that we can go to a foreign country and claim to fight for freedom and democracy, yet here at home freedom is under siege daily from these lunatics claiming that they know what's best because they serve the imaginary bearded guy. I could prove the existence of Bigfoot before any one of these people could prove anything in the Bible. They are sheeple, following blindly a doctrine that has been twisted and bent into some self-serving set of rules that they insist the rest of us follow. Sounds like the Taliban don't it? It isn't, it's people in our Government, and its going on now in the new America.

The bottom line is "We the people" the true majority need to speak out, vote, and remind those whom we sent to represent us that they do in fact work for us, and can be fired. Religion needs to be put in its place, not in my Government, not in yours, but where it belongs - the homes and churches of those who choose to follow it. And the next person who tells me to think-about-the-children gets a swift kick in the nuts. After all, if I'm going to think of the children, I better start by showing mine how you deal with a bully.




In The FCC We Trust
by Gary Finn (author of "I'm OK, You're a Dick", and "Are you there God, It's me, Gary")

"He's never been the answer
There's a better way
We are here to rock you
And to say...

How pathetic is this country that we need Howard Stern to stand up for free speech?  If a guy who's biggest contribution to culture is running queefing contests is the only one complaining about "censorship", then things can't really be all that bad.

Let's face it, it's easy to attack the "FCC" and "call" them out "as" being a "bunch" of knee-jerk reactionaries, but the truth "is", without them, we'd have a "w"asteland of filth on our airwaves t"ha"t would be the closest thing to "hell" on earth.

Though many point out that Janet Jackson's floppy pancake tit being bared was the straw that broke the camel's back, but they forget even more tawdry events that have haunted our public airwaves for years!

Why did nobody squawk about that episode of "Who's the Boss?" when Tony decided it would be funny to cram Mona full of gerbils?

Why did nobody complain when Ed McMahon gave a goat that Jack Hanna brought on to The Tonight Show the soul kiss to end all soul kisses?

Why did nobody care when Richard Hatch gave anal to a hermit crab on the first Survivor series?

Why did nobody care about that Match Game when Gene Rayburn said, "Dumb Dora is so dumb, when I asked her to felch my grandpa, she felched my BLANK?"

I cared.  I've been trying to wake people up, and they're finally paying attention!

Why do people think God plays no role in this country.  We are ONE NATION UNDER GOD, not ONE NATION UNDER some fucking hippie amethyst crystal with magnetic therapy points. 

These atheists are so concerned about removing religion from our lives, that they're on a mission to take out all morals.  It's just a matter of time before atheists start going door to door like Jehovah Witnesses.

These same atheists are more concerned about taking The Pledge of Allegiance from our schools, than guns!

The Bible is a historic document, and when people dismiss it as unproven fiction, it just pisses me off to no end.

People who complain about the "bad" things in The Bible, have no qualms taking the good.  "Gay Marriage is OK...but you better not make me work on Christmas!"  Hypocrites!

To compare sexual preferences with the civil rights movement is asinine.  Martin Luther King wasn't getting people together to march on Washington DC to protect the rights of gays!  If he did, he certainly would have accessorized better.

And the gay marriage thing is a gimme.  If we permit them, then they will become prevalent to the point where same sex couples are all that exist and we won't even reproduce anymore!  It'll be like a gay Dawn of the Dead!  Sure, sales of mineral water and kd Lang albums will go through the roof, but it's not a world I want to live in!

Is anyone even reading this side of the argument?  I mean shit, Robert asked that I point a counterpoint to Jason's article, and I've already ran out of stream with about 8 paragraphs to go.

Once when I was a kid, I took a racoon and cut off his head.  He was already dead, but I cried the whole time I was doing it.  Not because I was sad, but because he was made out of some weird racoon/onion genetics.  Talk about a world gone crazy!

Is it just me or is Tina Fey the sexiest woman with a scar since Jayne Mansfield?  The girl can't help it.

Here's a tasty recipe for Rice Krispy Treats!

1/4 c  Margarine or butter
1 pk 10 oz. mini marshmallows
6 c  Rice Krispies
Melt Margarine in large deep pan over low heat.  Add marshmallow and stir until completely melted.  Remove from heat add Rice Krispies and stir until they are well coated.  Using buttered spatula press mixture into buttered pan 13x9x2.  Cut when cool.
VARIATION:  Stir in 1/4 cup of peanut butter into marshmallow mixture before cereal is added.  You could also use colored marshmallows too.

Man, those things are fucking tasty!

If I was trapped on a desert island, the movies I would take with me would all be porn, unless I was trapped on a desert island with a porn star.  Well, a female porn star at least.  Cause if it was with John Holmes it would just be freaky, cause he's dead. 

Have you ever seen that website called Something Awful!  It's at www.somethingawful.com and let me tell you, just like it's name, it sure is SOMETHING AWFUL!  HAW HAW HAW!

I hear that Drew Curtis of FARK.com is working on a new brand of cereal, he's either going to call them FARK Flakes, or FARKBERRY Crunch, or Phil McCrevasses Gaytime Snackabration.  I don't think his last choice is a very good one!

Did you know that in ancient times, man did not have toothpaste?  And in England, they still don't.

Congratulations to Billy and Dorothy Walker of Phoenix Arizona for celebrating 40 years of marriage together this weekend.  Here's to your next 20.  Sorry about that whole colostomy bag thing, though.  It was a accident, I swear!

I've seen fire and I've seen rain.  I've seen lonely times when I could not find a friend.

Have you seen this rapper guy named 50 cent?  I wonder if he calls his dick, his "50 Cent Piece" (if you know what I mean).

That Beyonce is one sexy mama.  I'm "crazy in love with her", and I sure would like her to perform "oral sex" on me, if you know what I mean.

I got a new dog last week, his name is Indy, and I named him after Indiana Jones' dog.  If you don't adopt THIS DOG soon, somebody's going to eat him.

Well, I'm almost out of space now, so I'll just end this piece with a poignant photo of Charles Nelson Reilly.



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