Having worked for Troma, I’ve been able to keep a relatively good relationship with Lloyd. I say relatively because every now and again Lloyd forgets who I am. Be that as it may, I love the guy and was doubly thrilled that not only did he remember me on this occasion, he also agreed to do an interview.

The occasion aforementioned was none other than the Independent Film Channel hosting a film festival at The Angelika Theater, in Dallas.  I ran into a few other independent famous folks, namely retroCRUSH favorite Ron Jeremy and the director of Cornman and Prison A-Go-Go, Barak Epstein.

Lloyd was in town showing Apocalypse Soon: The Making of Citizen Toxie. After the viewing he did an interview with the Dallas Observer.

At the beginning of this interview, and after explaining I was an interview virgin, Lloyd was quick to give me tips on how to better my recording of it by using technical terms like “since you don’t have a microphone” and “bring the camera closer”.

What made you decide you wanted to be a director, sir?

Well, I went to Yale University, which was a big mistake. It was the sixties and we wanted to change the world, bring peace to everybody, do good things. I was going to be a social worker, teach people with hooks for hands how to finger paint, that kind of stuff. And then I got stuck with a roommate who was a movie nut and he totally ruined my life. I caught the movie virus and he started showing me movies by John Ford and Howard Hawkes, Stan Brakhage and I couldn’t stop. And I planned my whole life around movies. Dating never. Parties seldom. Masturbation all the time. But it was all planned about movies. And here I am years later…ruined…all due to Yale University and my roommate from Yale. I’ll get you Robert Elstein!

What do you think people enjoy the most about Troma films?

It’s hard for me to comment on what people enjoy the most about Troma movies but I would suggest that Troma movies are first of all, they are satire. So, if you like satire, you might enjoy Troma movies. Along with satire there is, I guess, healthy doses of sex and violence which eliminates about 98% of the audience, but on the other hand, there are that 2% who enjoy….you know, Gron Geenyo (this term is spelled as it sounds because I am a film style nimrod--feel free to email with the correct spelling) I would say is kind of our beat. Satire and Gron Geenyo. In France, the critics have compared me to Marcel du Champs and the Dah-Dah movement in Fraaaahnce. So I think people who want to see a Troma movie probably know that they may love Sgt Kabukiman NYPD, or they may hate A Nymphoid Barbarian in Dinosaur Hell, but they know they will never forget Terror Firmer. They know that when they see Citizen Toxie, they will go on a ride that they’ve never been on. They will go on an adventure at the Cinemaaaa. I guess that’s probably what people like about Troma.

And is Terror Firmer still your favorite Troma movie? Because the last time I asked you this, you said Terror Firmer, because it was your life’s work...?

Mmm…aaah…I think in terms of the Troma movies, Citizen Toxie is now my favorite. But, again, I think it’s a more mature work than Terror Firmer. You know, we deal with the abortion issue and the abortion issue is a big deal now with this Peterson case. The Peterson case, you know, the guy who allegedly killed his wife and unborn child on Christmas Eve. That case may, aside from being bullshit for the tabloids, that may end up being a big watershed in terms of the woman’s right to choose issue. And Citizen Toxie dealt with abortion, dealt with plastic surgery, dealt with a lot of very interesting contemporary issues. Not to mention the American sport of dragging black people behind pick-up trucks and killing them that way.

Which happened here in Texas…

Yeah, it happened in Jasper, Texas.

What are some of your favorite directors and favorite films that are inspirational, or that you just enjoy?

I certainly, I think in terms of inspiration, I think I would be very, uh, very remiss if I did not pay tribute to the great Stan Brakhage who died about two weeks ago. Stan Brakhage in my opinion is…was, the greatest American-the greatest visual artist in the world, until about two weeks ago when he died. And the “Art of Vision, “Dogstar Man”…his movies are incredibly moving and I’ve written an essay about how Stan Brakhage influenced Troma. And by coincidence, Stan Brakhage was the only professor at the University of Colorado who would have anything to do with Trey Parker when Trey Parker was making Cannibal: The Musical and Stan Brakhage appears in Cannibal: The Musical…so, very great, great great, man, and unfortunately he died. But, John Ford, Howard Hawkes, Charlie Chaplin, Buster Keaton, Misoguchi, John Renoire, Fritz Lang, Preston Sturgis, Frank Capra…I mean, I think about these people all the time.

Okay, Well you mentioned Trey Parker. Do you still talk with Trey and Matt every now and again?

Lloyd: Well, Trey Parker and Matt Stone have been very loyal to Troma and after being on the covers of Newsweek magazine, their next career move was to play a hermaphrodite couple in Terror Firmer, with no pay...which I’m sure made their agents and handlers very, very happy. And they’re good guys. Trey wrote the beautiful foreword to my new book: Make Your Own Damn Movie. And Trey is currently writing a live stage production of Cannibal: The Musical and hopefully he will continue his Troma affiliation. He’s a good guy, absolutely the best!

I was online and I couldn’t help but see pictures of you at the Gangs of New York party over in Cannes. Does that mean you know Scorsese? You chat with him? Or is it just like Internet hubbub?

I admire Scorsese as a director, but I am very disappointed that he awarded Elia Kazan, that Scorsese and DeNiro went on TV in front of billions of people and gave Elia Kazan: a snitch, a blacklisting…a person who caused in my opinion who caused people to commit suicide, a blacklisting miserable person who’s movies were basically stage pieces that were mediocre to okay. The fact that Scorsese presented Elia Kazan with the highest award that can be given in our business, in our art form, that is a disgrace. Whatever good he has done, and his movies are great, Casino…and uh, the uh, what was it “Bodies Bloodied?”, the motley gang…the one with that great shot in the Copacabana? Well, you know what it is, it’s shot in the Copacabana, the thing that goes on. It’s a mafia thing, it’s great. The guy is brilliant but he’s got a major problem there giving that award to a snitch. And so did DeNiro, so I’m very disappointed. But the only reason I went to the party that they had for Scorsese's Gang of New York at the Cannes Film Festival is my wife was invited. There’s no chance in high hell that I’d be invited so I went on the arm of my wife. And I filmed, I got some interesting footage actually.

Will we get to see any of it?

I think it’ll be in something…we’ll show it somewhere on DVD and figure out where to put it…I don’t know it yet.

Okay. How did you end up being a drunk in “Rocky” and a drinker in “Rocky 5”?

I was a drunk in Rocky because of Jon Avildsen was kind enough to get me a part and having woken up many times over the course of my years laying in a gutter in a pool of my own vomit, I think I did a pretty good job as the drunken bum in “Rocky”. And then, Jon Avildsen also was the director on Rocky 5 and he recreated my-so good was I as the drunken bum that he let me reprise it in Rocky 5. But, according to Avildsen, Stallone cut me out. Which is kind of surprising that a man of Avildsen’s stature, a man who has made billions of dollars at the box office, that a director of John Avildsen’s accordance, would not be able to have editing control over his movies. I have editing control, and I haven’t…you know…all my thirty years of movies put together haven’t grossed as much as John Avildsen’s one movie. You know, his one movie. He’s done the “Karate Kid” movies, “Save the Tiger” with Jack Lemmon, getting an Oscar, I mean Avildsen’s amazing and yet he didn’t, apparently did not have editing control on Rocky 5.

How’s filming for “Harry Knuckles and the Pearl Necklace” coming along? Is that wrapped, is that still—

Well, my part in “Harry Knuckles and the Pearl Necklace” is wrapped And Lee, the guy who of course did "Jesus Christ: Vampire Killer" and "Harry Knuckles Pt. 1" which is part of Troma Dance Film Festival DVD, he is a brilliant director up in Ottowa and very much Troma-esque--a disciple of Troma. But, he shoots with a Bolex, which is a very interesting. Bolex is a 16mm camera that you wind up. He can’t shoot sync sound with it. You have to post-sync everything, so he dubs everything and that, I really admire that, because the stuff looks so much better when it’s on film as opposed to shooting on video.

What kind of challenges did you face when you were Fitz Packer in “Anal Paprika 3: Menage a’ Death”?

Many of the Troma fans who are now making, or many of our interns who are now making their own feature length movies have asked me to act in their films. So Lee the uh, you know, “Harry Knuckles and the Pearl Necklace”, I play a guy in the bar with a big hat. The movie you just referred to, I honestly don’t remember it, so I don’t know. But, you can see The Tunnel where I played with Mark Borchardt.

How was that?

Well, I’m an auteur and whatever the director tells me to do, I do. I did a movie called “Zombie Get-on” in Kansas by a Troma disciple where I played a janitor in a school where the zombies kill me. And I did interpret a little bit, because I made the janitor a little on the gay side. But, other than that, I just do what the director tells me, so this Paprika Anal Thing…I don’t know quite what I did. I’m going to be shooting a movie in Dallas on Sunday by a guy named Justin Powers and it’s a movie called “Pot Zombies” and I think I get killed in that.

I’m gonna go ahead and wrap this up because it’s late in the evening and everything. I just wanted to ask you which would you think is most important, for all the people that are going to read this article, Money, Fame , or Family.

What’s the most important thing?

Yeah, money, fame or family?

(thinking)

You can mince too...

I’ve been married to a wonderful person for thirty years so that’s the most important thing. I’m not that big on the children thing, but they’re good, the kids are good. But I would be very sad if I did anything in my movies to upset my wife, which unfortunately does happen. But, I would put family and friends and I think my partner feels the same way. I think that’s more important.

That’s something we can all take home.

I think it’s the most important thing, but it sure is nice to have a few bucks with you.

Lloyd Kaufman everybody!

And thanks to this man, this fine gay boy we’ve had a wonderful movie: Troma’s Citizen Toxie and he’s going to continue making his own damn movies.

Thank you sir, I appreciate it.

Thank you.

And, in an attempt to have solid proof that I was actually with THE Lloyd Kaufman and that we actually DID interview, I put my lanky self in the frame.

My chin, at least, is famous.