BANANAS GONE WILD!
Having a friend like retroRANDY is great, because when he comes by he leaves weird things behind. He's always finding the craziest stuff at thrift stores. Anyway, one day he left me this great 1940s book about all the great stuff you can make with bananas. The recipes are truly revolting, and the illustrations are, dare I say it... PLUM loco!
Ham Banana Rolls wiith bananas, cheese, ham and mustard! The amounts of marijuana required to come up with something this vile would probably kill Cheech and Chong.
Finally, the great tastes of beef and bananas have come together as one! You have to love the picture of that horny li'l banana seducing the cow under the tree.
For some reason, I think that Courtney Love would taste like salmon and bananas. Ha! She wishes!
This banana dude sure knows how to party. He's working it with this hot tomato chick (who's thankfully wearing a skirt so you don't have to look at her tomatoris) and when she least expects it, she's gonna get cut crosswise into three thick slices! Look at the end of this recipe, "Serve hot with broiled chops, bacon, or scrambled eggs!" Are they just closing their eyes and pulling ingredients out of a hat for this shit?
Since this is the 40s...no banana recipe book would be complete without racist pictures. The way they make fun of ancient Romans in this illustration is totally offensive.
Nothing like a slant eyed banana eating rice while he's taking a dump in a bowl to get your hunger movin!
Apparently at this point, our friendly banana has had enough and has decided to go on a crazy killing spree. I wonder what Freud would say about a banana choking a chicken?
DIE CABBAGE DIE!
TAKE THAT YOU MILKY BITCH! BAD MILK! BAD MILK!
THAT'S RIGHT...I'M GONNA JUICE YOU DRY!
After a long killing spree is over, this sick banana bastard relaxes with a cool refreshing drink...OF BLENDED UP BROTHERS AND SISTERS! This whack-job is a cannibal!
Well, that's all for now. I like my bananas all dolled up and in a sexy dress myself!
PS: Shortly after writing this, I received an email informing me that good ol' Mr. Lileks of The Gallery of Regrettable Food has also made fun of this wonderful banana tome. Can you believe two pop culture hobos like us have written about the same damn thing without even knowing it? As luck would have it, only 1 of the pictures is the same in our two articles, so to get even more all-new banana goodness, CLICK HERE! And yes, I'm completely aware that Lileks is funnier, I'm completely ripping him off, he has a bigger dick than me, his wives are prettier than my wives, his car is faster, the server he uses is more powerful, his cool side is cooler, and his hot side is hotter, and his 85th level Cleric has more charisma than I'll ever hope to have! Save your breath!
And finally, retroCRUSH's sometime writer and frequent enemateer Keith Lowell Jensen is spending time pandhandling DRESSED AS A BANANA!
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