If your friend wants to see Cheaper By The Dozen 2
PUNCH THEM IN THE FACE!
Was there truly that many people that
enjoyed the remake of Cheaper By The Dozen that made a sequel
necessary? How can Steve Martin continue to give us inspired work
like Shop Girl, then pad his career with complete crap like this
film? As a DVD, the first cheaper remake is one of those "OK to
watch with your kids" movies, but this sequel is so truly utterly
completely excessively adjectively awful it made me want to reach into the
screen, shake Martin violently and scream, "You freaking sellout, quit
phoning in these 'gimme a paycheck' performances! You are a great
actor and if you're not going to do any of your brilliant stand up comedy
anymore, the least you can do is say 'No!" once in a while to these super
shitty 'can't lose' family films you insist on making!"
Cheaper By The Dozen 2 is comedic
filmmaking at its worst. The Bakers and their twelve kids (get it, a
BAKER'S DOZEN...but there's not 13 of them) go back to a lakeside vacation
spot that they enjoyed 10 years prior. Nothing is the same when they
return, except Dad's desire to be competitive rival "better" father Eugene
Levy (another incredibly talented actor who insists on being in some of
the shittiest movies ever released). Insert contrived setups to
slapstick gags so bad they'd make Pauly Shore wince, and you've got one of
the holiday season's worst films.
The film starts with the cash-strapped
family holding a lavish graduation party at their house for Hilary Duff,
who's ghoulish new appearance looks to be the result of massive facial
liposuction. Her purpose in the film is to put, read Allure
magazine, and put makeup on her sister's face.
There's a single compelling story with the
charming Alyson Stoner playing a tomboy who falls in love. Frankly
if they just made the whole film about her struggles, it might have been a
sweet and meaningful film, but choreographer turned director Adam Shankman
can't go 5 minutes without someone getting whacked in the nuts or spilling
food all over someone, so any chance for depth is immediately destroyed.
THIS SCENE WAS FUNNIER WHEN I FIRST SAW IT ON THE BRADY
Cheaper 2 is full of inorganic
elements that serve no other purpose than to setup some stupid gag.
A kid brings a backpack full of fireworks to a clambake, for no other
purpose than to have it explode there and cause trouble. Instead of
logically leaving him behind at the cabin, the Baker family brings their
out of control dog to Eugene Levy's mansion for a nice dinner, only to
have him break his leash and wreck the fine china which was a gift from
the King of Thailand (a fact that we're reminded of no less than THREE
TIMES before the inevitable dog vs. table carnage).
For the love of all that is good, please
don't see this movie, don't rent this movie, and discourage anyone you
know from doing so. Hollywood needs to get the message to stop
throwing this sort of garbage out there. And the annoying trend of
"I Have So Many Kids My Uterus Is Going To Explode" movies is one that we
can all use a break from.
RETURN OF THE KING
I hold the 1933 original Kong dear to my
heart. It's one of my favorite movies of all time, and I never tire of
watching it. It's high adventure at its finest and the first real American
monster movie. The 1976 remake was one of the most shameful and
embarrassingly stupid movies ever released and its stigma has been a tough
one to shake. You gotta give credit to Peter Jackson for using his Lord of
the Rings clout to remaking his favorite childhood film. His love and
respect for the source material coupled with his unequalled skill at
telling exciting stories, make King Kong 2005 a fantastic work of art.
FOR THE ENTIRE REVIEW
AN INTERVIEW WITH BUCKNER AND GARCIA
Pac-Man was a worldwide phenomenon. With everything from Pac-Man cereal,
to Pac Man air-fresheners (the sure sign of an 80s phenomenon) the little
yellow guy was everywhere. But nothing captured the craze like Jeff
Buckner and Gary Garcia's song, "Pac-Man Fever".
hit, it soon spawned an album with the same title that contained 9 other
arcade game influenced songs: "Goin Berserk", "Do The Donkey Kong" (their
follow up single), "Ode to a Centipede", "Mousetrap", "Froggy's Lament",
"Defender", and "Hyperspace".
honored to interview these legendary performers to find out some of the
behind the scenes info and learn a lot about what they've been up to
CLICK HERE TO READ THE
RICHARD SALA'S MAD NIGHT IS ONE THRILLING SPOOKY
I've never read anything quit like Richard
Sala's "Mad Night" before. The black and white artwork is a mixture
of Archie comics and creepy woodcuts and the story is like a Nancy Drew
adventure with David Lynch as a guest writer. In the opening pages,
a gorgeous raven haired girl with glasses is quietly exploring her college
library when quickly murdered by some dark creepy dude with a mechanical
hand who proceeds to extract some fluid from her neck with a hypodermic
needle. He returns to his underground laboratory and uses it to
create some sort of mysterious formula.
The twists and intrigue keep on coming
throughout the 232 page graphic novel from Fantagraphics which was
originally serialized between 1998-2005 in Sala's book "The Evil Eye".
Priced at just over $16, it's one of the more thrilling and original comic
book adventures I've enjoyed in quite some time. An evil puppet
lady, an army of sexy pirate girls, a giant killer octopus, and a
precocious heroine named Judy Drood who's a great detective with a mean
right cross all add up to an exciting story that I'm eager to shortly read
again. If you're looking for something unusual and fun for an adult
comic book fan, or someone that just digs a good mystery, you can't do
much better than this.
to look at and buy all of Richard Sala's catalog at Fantagraphics.
Also, visit Richard's site at
RICHARDSALA.com for more mysterious goodness.
THE SPIDER PIT SCENE
A HISTORY of the LONG LOST SCENE FROM KING
AND PETER JACKSON'S ATTEMPT TO RECREATE IT
The original King Kong is one of America's
greatest movies. Though the versions that have existed through the
years have gone through dramatic edits. In 1938, 5 years after its
original release, there was wholesale chopping of over 4 minutes of
footage deemed too shocking and violent for the audiences. We
detailed much of this in an article on
The Censored Scenes of Kong
a couple years back. Luckily dedicated film preservationists were
able to track down those scenes, but there's long been a sequence that was
cut after an initial screening by the film's director himself, Merian C.
Cooper, that's never been found. Known as the "Spider Pit Scene", a
thrilling segment in which men are eaten alive by various creepy crawly
creatures after Kong shakes them from the log into the ravine, had been
spoken of by folks who read the script, with only scant evidence of its
CLICK HERE FOR THE
ENTIRE EXCITING ARTICLE
THE AQUAMAN ARGUMENT
BY BRADLEY MASON HAMLIN
As a kid in the 1970s,
Aquaman became my favorite character in the comics—and his comic book had
already been cancelled! I read the back issues and followed his terrific
series in Adventure Comics, written by David Micheline, which included the
incredibly dramatic death of Arthur, Jr., otherwise known as Aquababy. But
most importantly, Aquaman was a founding member of the Justice League of
America, the best comic book team ever!
Perhaps the highest
achievement of Aquaman, and certainly what made him a household name, was
his involvement within animation. Filmation Studios created a truly
faithful version of Aquaman for the Superman-Aquaman Adventure Hour in
1967. That’s right, not the Superman-Batman Adventure Hour, Aquaman! The
Adventure Hour was my first experience with Aquaman and remains without a
doubt the definitive version of the character for me. Later, Aquaman
teamed up with the exclusive cast of headliners to form the Super
Friends—his place forever cemented in pop culture history.
So, what happened?
CLICK HERE FOR
THE ENTIRE ARTICLE, INCLUDING A TON OF COOL PHOTOS, AND A COMPLETE COVER
GALLERY OF THE ORIGINAL SERIES