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ST. PATRICK NEVER
DID THIS!
(A LIST OF GREEN HEROES & VILLAINS)
BY BRADLEY MASON HAMLIN
THE GREEN HORNET: Created by George W. Trendle,
the same guy that gave us the Lone Ranger. In fact the Green Hornet and
the Lone Ranger are related! First appearance: American radio program from
1936 to 1952. The Green Hornet was one of the most interesting pulp era
mystery heroes and certainly a huge influence on the comic book industry.
Britt Reid, newspaper publisher by day, masked mystery man by night! The
Green Hornet had a really cool green mask with a hornet emblem. He wore a
green fedora-style hat and a green trench coat, and primarily used a gas
gun to subdue the bad guys. He teamed up with a Japanese-Filipino driver,
named Kato, who later helped kick butt ala martial arts. The Green Hornet
appeared in two movie serials: the Green Hornet in 1940 and the
Green Hornet Strikes Again in 1941. However, the super-cool Green
Hornet series of the 1960s, that’s the one that caught my attention. In
1966 one season of the Green Hornet lucked into production by the
producers of the Batman TV show. Just 25 episodes. Van Williams played the
Green Hornet and Bruce Lee literally kicked-ass as Kato, truly one of the
coolest looking shows ever produced. The Green Hornet theme played by Al
Hirt is at the top of my list. How about the Green Hornet’s car, the Black
Beauty? Dean Jeffries put together a custom 1965 black Chrysler Imperial
with green headlights and other secret gizmos, a true sign of a hip show,
but too bad somebody couldn’t have hired some better writers to keep
scenes rolling along. The show lacked the great over-the-top villains and
twisted comedy of the Batman show. Fat cats at Warner Brothers and DC
Comics still have no idea just how great the Batman TV show was—ergo,
still no DVD set. But come on, how hard would it be to put those 25
episodes of the Green Hornet together? A great bonus feature would
be the addition of the crossover episodes where the Green Hornet and Kato
appeared on Batman. A new movie of the Green Hornet was supposedly
in the works with Kevin Smith directing, but he has bowed out of (or got
kicked off) the project—and so it goes. If a script is a problem I know
two writers interested in the job, Harlan Ellison and Bradley Mason
Hamlin. Give one of us a jingle and we’ll run it up the flagpole.
THE GREEN MASK: The Green Mask first appeared in
Mystery Men Comics No 1, August 1939, published by Fox Features
Syndicate—the same issue that gave us the first appearance of the Blue
Beetle! I don’t know a whole lot about the Green Mask, but he appears to
have been a sort of swashbuckling superhero who wore a green bandana-style
mask, sort of Zorro without the hat, and for some reason green. Ah, but
the fascination with green heroes would continue.
THE GREEN LAMA: Created by Kendall Foster
Crossen under the pen name Richard Foster. The Green Lama is a hero from
the American pulp magazine era. He first appeared in Double Detective
No. 5 in 1940. The Green Lama was an American named Jethro Dumont who
traveled to Tibet, learned all the Tibetan tricks by actually becoming an
ordained Tibetan Lama, then treks back to the States to battle evil while
wearing a green costume. Why did he wear green? That’s his secret. One of
the Green Lama’s powers existed in the form of radiated electric shocks
after drinking radioactive salts. On one of the covers of the short-lived
Green Lama comic book series it states that he: “FIGHTS FOR THE FOUR
FREEDOMS.” What four freedoms would those be? Perhaps that was also his
secret. Superman only had three: truth, justice, and of course the
American way.
GREEN LANTERN: Created by Marty Nodell and Bill
Finger (co-creator of Batman) for All-American Publications (another
company that amalgamated into DC Comics). First appeared in
All-American Comics No. 16, July 1940. Marty Nodell once told me he
invented Green Lantern because he was asked to come up with a character as
dynamic as Superman. The original “golden age” Green Lantern, Alan Scott,
had a magic lantern that charged a magic ring that shot fantastic green
beams of power and enabled Alan Scott to pass through walls and do other
nifty tricks. Although, the golden age Green Lantern didn’t get as
creative with his power ring technique as the later Lanterns did. With the
silver age and later Green Lanterns the ring could conjure up anything
within the imagination of the user. Green Lantern’s mythology has expanded
over the years and many men, women, and aliens have worn the green ring to
fight evil. In the early 1970s the team of Denny O’Neil and Neal Adams
teamed Green Lantern up with Green Arrow and ushered in the era of
“relevant” comics with themes that dealt with drug addiction, racism,
religious mania, and over population. Green Lantern is still published by
DC Comics.
GREEN ARROW: Created by Mort Weisinger and
George Papp for National Periodical Publications (DC Comics). Another
golden age comic book character, Green Arrow first appeared in More Fun
Comics No. 73, 1941. Green Arrow was basically Robin Hood and Batman
blended together. His real name was Oliver Queen and he and his sidekick
buddy Roy Harper, known as Speedy, used trick arrows to fight the bad
guys. Like Batman, Green Arrow was a rich playboy in his alternate
identity. Therefore, Green Arrow and Speedy had the luxury of an Arrow
Cave, an Arrow Car, an Arrow Plane, and well, you get the idea. One of the
great things about Green Arrow is that, like Green Lantern, many wonderful
writers and artists have expanded on the character throughout time, making
Green Arrow an important hero in his own right and not just a knock-off of
Batman. Jack Kirby drew Green Arrow for a bit back in the golden age and,
as I already stated with Green Lantern, the team of Denny O’Neil and Neal
Adams gave Green Arrow a new look in the early 1970s and published some of
the best comic stories of all time. Green Arrow is still published by DC
Comics.
THE GREEN GOBLIN: Created by Stan Lee and Steve
Ditko. First appeared in Amazing Spider-Man No. 14, July 1964. The
Green Goblin is the definitive villain to Spider-Man, just as the Joker
will always be the greatest and most well known foe to fight Batman.
Norman Osborn, the original Green Goblin, was a corrupt businessman who in
his greed participated in an experiment to make him stronger, wiser, and
more powerful—and unfortunately for Norman, totally insane. The Green
Goblin is a great character because he’s pure comic book, an insane man
that decides to wear an insane goblin costume, ride around on a
jet-powered metal bat, and throw pumpkin bombs at people. It just doesn’t
get much better than that. The Green Goblin killed Spider-Man’s girlfriend
Gwen Stacy, a comic book I read in its original run, and I have to
say—that was one of the most dramatic and amazing stories I read as a kid,
right up there with the death of Arthur, Jr. aka Aquababy. Norman Osborn
“accidentally” died in a fight with Spider-Man (right after the death of
Gwen) and later Norman’s son, Harry Osborn took up the insane role of the
Green Goblin.
THE GREEN TEAM: The Green Team was a one-shot
comic published in 1st Issue Special in 1973 by DC
Comics. Basically, the Green Team was a bunch of rich kids who financed
adventures and helped out people with special problems. It is rumored that
Richie Rich bought them out and they were never heard from again.
THE GREEN POWER RANGER: The Power Rangers are
based on a live-action Japanese show called
Kyoryuu Sentai ZyuRanger (Dinosaur Battle Team Beast
Ranger). First appearance of the Green Power Ranger occurred August 28th,
1993 on the Mighty Morphing Power Rangers show premiering on the
Fox Kids TV network. The use of different colors for the uniforms of the
individual Rangers created easy appeal for kids and a slam-dunk for toy
makers. The Rangers use martial arts and science-fiction weapons to fight
monsters and evil throuhgout the Universe. The first Green Ranger from
Mighty Morphen Power Rangers was Tommy Oliver, but there were many
other Green Rangers as the series “morphs” with each new seasons,
reinventing itself for a whole new toy line. Although there are girls on
the Ranger teams—there has never been a girl Green Power Ranger. The
latest incarnation of the Power Rangers for 2006 is called Power Rangers
Mystic Force.
THE GREEN GHOST: The Green Ghost is a character
created by Bradley Mason Hamlin and drawn by Goggles Pisano for Mystery
Island Publications. He will make his first appearance this year in 2006
as a part of the Mysterious Secret Society, currently in development at
Mystery Island. The Green Ghost is, well, a classic sheet-like looking
ghost, but he’s … green. Why? Shh … it’s a secret.
Happy
St. Patrick’s Day!
from Bradley Mason Hamlin, March 2006.
brad@retrocrush.com
STILL MORE GREEN
GOODNESS!
Since
we're in a super cool green mood, here's even more green character
goodness for your chlorophylliptic reading pleasure!
Always
the rebel, my grandfather got in a lot of trouble for telling people why
his hair turned green. Starring a young Dean Stockwell of Blue
Velvet/Quantum Leap fame, The Boy With the Green Hair was a cold war era
oddity about a kid who's hair turns green after becoming an orphan!
The townspeople become so disgusted by his green locks that they shave his
head! It's certainly a story for all time.
The Green
Giant is famous for growing great tasting fresh vegetables, boiling them
in sugary salt water for long amounts of time, and putting them in a can
so they can remain somewhat edible for all eternity. I never
understood why he was so jolly, as he sold his vegetable brethren to
grocery stores. Ultimately, a genocidal maniac that must be stopped.
Of
course, The Green Giant's legacy of evil needs to continue for all time,
so he's recruited (or perhaps grown) a replacement to carry on his
horticultural holocaust. Won't someone please stop the horror?
-Robert
Berry
rberry@retrocrush.com
WHY WE DIDN'T
INCLUDE THE HULK
We've
received a lot of emails asking why we didn't include The Incredible Hulk
in our tribute to green super heroes. There's several reasons, and
we hope you'll let us explain our rationale.
1) He's a
half breed. Though The Hulk is a green superhero by all appearances,
his mother is white, so he's not a pure green hero.
2) He's a
total fucking asshole. His views are pretty far right of the norm,
and he disagrees with a women's right to choose in all circumstances, even
what they want to watch on TV. Fuck that guy.
3) Always
leaves the toilet seat up, and his shit smells like somebody boiled
shrimp, gravy, and gall bladders.
4) Lou
Ferrigno once peed on my shoe in a public restroom. The creepy part
is, I was wearing it on my head.
5) I
don't like him when he's angry.
-Robert
rberry@retrocrush.com
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