In 1984, Bob Geldof threw
together a bunch of England's finest performers and recorded
"Do They Know It's Christmas". The success spawned at least 9
different other celebrity benefit singles that serve as bizarre
all-star teams of their respective music genres of the time,
like some sort of musical version of The Justice League. Some
may have proven more effective in others in getting their
points across or evils vanquished, but together, they're a
mind-blowing testament to use fame to sell some records and
perhaps help out their fellow man (after video editing,
limousine and hotel expenses).
ARTISTS UNITED AGAINST APARTHEID
"I AIN'T GONNA PLAY SUN CITY" (1985)
"Sun City" by Artists United
Against Apartheid is arguably the coolest of the
multi-celebrity benefit songs. Steven van Zandt and Arthur
Baker brought together Miles Davis, Peter Gabriel, Bono,
Springsteen, Lou Reed, Herbie Hancock, Bob Dylan, Peter
Garrett, Run DMC, Joey Ramone, and numerous others for not only
a catchy songs and video, but an entire album which is sadly
out of print, but contained tracks like "Silver and Gold"
(featuring Bono, Keith Richards, and Ron Wood), "No More
Apartheid" (a really cool stream of conscious protest wail by
Peter Gabriel), and a very cool "Let Me See Your ID" which
featured rap and poetry by Gil Scott-Heron, Peter Wolf and
others set to new music by Davis and Hancock. The documentary
(which is only VHS) is a great making of picture with near full
length videos of each song included. The video for "Sun City"
is a bit sloppily edited but is a great snapshot of the more
edgy music of the time (if you look the other way when Hall and
Oates appear). The real "what the hell" moment in the bunch is
watching Daryl Hannah sing with Jackson Browne. And it's always
fun to see van Zandt and pretending it's Silvio from The
Sopranos singing.
HEAR 'N AID
"STARS" (1985)
Even the combined power of
Satan's finest rockers couldn't save this ill-conceived and
largely forgettable song, "Stars" which sounds like a bunch of
cats being thrown into a chipper shredder. Even the chorus,
"We're Stars" just sounds like a big self-indulgent yank-fest
as sincere about charity as The Chicago Bears' "Super Bowl
Shuffle". The song reportedly earned a million for charity,
which probably wasn't enough to cover the hair spray budget for
this video. Also unintentionally funny is the sub-titles
actually explaining who everyone is as they sing "We're
Stars!", lest you're too gauche to recognize the drummer from
Quiet Riot.
WEST COAST ALL STARS
"WE'RE ALL IN THE SAME GANG" (1990)
While attempting to quell gang violence is a noble
cause, 1990's "We're All In The Same Gang" missed the mark with an
incredibly crappy effort and an even more ludicrous video. Though it
gets point for having a super cool Digital Underground segment with
Shock G and Humpty Hump trading lines, the rest of it makes you wish
a giant drive by would just shut everyone up. It's also
hypocritically funny to see NWA rapping about how the violence has to
stop when the lyrics of nearly all of their other songs preach the
exact opposite. Ice Cube even used their role in this tune to diss
them in his song "No Vaseline":
"Got damn, I'm glad ya'll set it off.
Used to be hard, now you're just wet and soft.
First you was down with the AK,
and now I see you on a video with Michel'le?"
The video winds down with hardcore gangsta MC Hammer
hopping around in his disco pants. Also funny is the gang members all
wearing bright yellow, so as not to offend the blue and red wearing
Crips and Bloods.
STOP THE VIOLENCE
"SELF DESTRUCTION" (1989)
But a year before "We're All In The Same Gang" came
out, the east coast rappers of the day were pulled together by KRS
One, inspired by the fatal shooting of a fan at a concert he shared a
bill with Public Enemy at. The song is much better produced, and has
some lyrics that are far deeper and more meaningful. I guess it
helped that most of the people featured in this were already positive
members of the rap community.
USA FOR AFRICA
"WE ARE THE WORLD" (1985)
Not to be outdone by the Brits,
Michael Jackson and Lionel Richie got together with nearly
every popular artist in America on a cold January day and
recorded the sappy yet memorable "We Are The World". The best
parts of which are Bob Dylan's and Ray Charles' lines. Plus you
get a glimpse of Jackson in his 1985 prime with a classic
camera shot that starts at his glittery socks, then sparkly
glove, then his still mostly black face. Also funny is the
segment which mixes Stevie Wonder singing next to a scary
jumbo-sized Springsteen head. The amount of America's top
talent in this video is mind-boggling, and had a bomb hit that
building there's be nothing but Stryper and El Debarge left.
Waylon Jennings apparently was supposed to be in the song, but
got pissed off about something and took off before the
recording started. You can buy a 20th Anniversary version of
the DVD at the
Official USA For Africa Website.
BAND AID
"DO THEY KNOW IT'S CHRISTMAS" (1984)
The granddaddy of them all, the
Bob Geldof produced "Do They Know It's Christmas" inspired the
Live-Aid concerts and all of the other celeb charity songs that
followed. Still, the song is rather stupid and one of the more
annoying tunes ever recorded. Does anyone in Africa even give a
fuck about Christmas whether they're hungry or not? The white
mentality of the song is stupid throughout, stating that
"nothing ever grows" or moaning about how "there won't be snow
in Africa this Christmastime". Good thing, that'd probably kill
everyone that hasn't already died of hunger. Sadly, large
amounts of money raised by this song, and ultimately Live-Aid
went to fund
"brutal resettlement programs that may have killed up to
100,000". The video is still fun to watch, though, with
Bono's odd line "Tonight thank God it's them, instead of
youuuu! still sounding powerful after two decades.
BAND AID 20
"DO THEY KNOW IT'S CHRISTMAS" (2004 REMAKE)
To celebrate the 20th
Anniversary of Band Aid's original classic, Bob Geldof got
Coldplay, Robbie Williams, Paul McCartney, and a ton of people
you mostly haven't heard of to re-record the song. As the video
above shows, it's a lackluster montage of people recording
their own bits in a closed studio, while they stare at footage
of starving people in Africa on video screens.
THE KING DREAM CHORUS AND HOLIDAY CREW
"KING HOLIDAY" (1986)
This was a pretty forgettable
effort, but the video at least has a fun albeit slightly corny
opening with Martin Luther King Jr'.s son talking to some kids
who are asking about his father. The video looks like it was
shot in a high school gym, but I won't quibble about charity
singles trying to keep costs down. Especially when you get the
guilty pleasure of seeing Menudo singing next to New Edition.
Whitney Houston taped her video in a different location but she
delivers a nice performance nonetheless. Kurtis Blow and Run
DMC also turn up. This song was released in 1986 to coincide
with the first national recognition of the Martin Luther King,
Jr. Holiday that same year. Sadly, there's not much info on the
net about this song, so if you know what charity actually got
cash from this record, I'd love to know.
"HANDS ACROSS AMERICA" (1986)
Ken Kragen, one of the guys
behind USA For Africa, but this ill-fated and largely
forgettable fundraiser together which encouraged people to pay
$10 so they could hold hands in a giant line that stretched all
the way across America. Not only did the biggest outbreak of
the cold and flu virus in US history occur on that day, but it
didn't quite work, with several broken spots throughout the
chain. In addition a lightning bolt hit one of the participants
in Oklahoma, which injured tens of thousands across the state.
DIONNE WARWICK AND FRIENDS
"THAT'S WHAT FRIENDS ARE FOR" (1986)
Though smaller in scale than
other "cast of many" efforts, this charity single was performed
by Dionne Warwick, Elton John, Gladys Knight, and Stevie
Wonder. Reportedly, less than $60,000 of the more than $2
million raised by the song and organization actually made it to
charity, with Warwick coming under fire for her lavish
conditions used while representing the group. It's unclear
whether or not her financial controversy encouraged Warwick to
become a spokesperson for The Psychic Friends Network shortly
afterward.
"VOICES THAT CARE" (1991)
Before the entertainment
industry decided they hated the military (just kidding!) they
got together in 1991 to record "Voices That Care" to support
the troops involved in Desert Storm, resulting in one of the
most odd collections of random celebrities ever assembled for
such a project. Where else can you see Don King, Mickey Dolenz,
and Kevin Costner singing in the same place? It's easily the
worst of these songs ever made, which is amplified by ear
shattering vocals by Celine Dion, Peter Ceterra, and Michael
Bolton that may have actually made our troops become deserters
and frag their superior officers as a result.
NORTHERN LIGHTS
"TEARS ARE NOT ENOUGH" (1985)
Thanks to retroCRUSH reader Tom
F. who reminded me of Canada's contribution to the charity song
genre, "Tears Are Not Enough", which may be our only chance to
hear Gordon Lightfoot, Geddy Lee, and John Candy sing together.
This song raised over $1 million for fighting hunger, but since
it was in Canadian dollars, it was only enough to be a 10 bags
of rice and a book of coupons for The Sizzler.
