PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: AT
A DAMN GOOD FINAL MOVIE OF THE TRILOGY
I love pirates, and was pretty
disappointed with the first 2 Pirates of the Caribbean movies. I
found the storytelling to be messy and the pacing a bit too slow and
plodding, but Johnny Depp's performances at least made them worth
Pirate movies have long got a bad rap. After a heyday with Errol
Flynn swashbuckling pictures back in the day, the 80s and 90s just
couldn't make a good Pirate movie. We had Kristi McNichol and
Christopher Atkins in The Pirate Movie, Roman Polanski's Pirates, and
the ludicrous Cutthroat Island.
Disneyland's Pirates of the Caribbean is like a sacred place for me.
Amidst all the commercialism and feel good Disney vibes throughout
the park, it was and remains a moral free orgy of violence and
destruction. No feel good bullshit of "It's a Small World", or some
goofy retelling of an established Disney classic, just the simple
message of "A Pirate's Life For Me". I wished to hell that Disney
would make a balls out cartoon based on the ride, and they aimed even
higher with this film series.
The third installment pays homage to what makes the ride so
fantastic. It's as if the people behind the trilogy closed their
eyes, took a deep breath, and remembered what's really so great about
The opening sequence of the film is so grim and brutal you'd hardly
believe Disney was behind it. It sets the tone to let you know
Beckett Jones and his East India Trading Company isn't some prissy
bunch of opportunists, but some truly evil bastards who commit
unspeakably wicked acts. Let's face it, Pirates are typically bad
guys, so you have to really turn things upside down to make you root
for them. Needless to say, Tom Hollander does a great job of making
his character just horrifyingly bad.
I found the chain of double crossings and twists a lot more organic
and easy to follow than the previous films, and the story is much
more solid than the previous efforts. Though I wouldn't reccommend
seeing this without at least checking Part 2 out first to appreciate
the Davy Jones character's motivations, it's got a good beginning
middle and end that the first and second installments were sorely
The characters are now firmly established enough to make them a lot
more deep and meaningful. Orlando Bloom even manages to make Will
Turner exciting and tough for the first time. My surprise favorite in
this movie is Geoffrey Rush as Barbossa who is a textbook crazy
charismatic pirate throughout, with just the right mixture of humor,
insanity, and toughness. There's a scene where their ship is in a
perilous situation, and while the rest of the crew is holding on for
dear life, Barbossa just laughs like a maniac with waves spraying all
over him. During his fight scenes he's clearly the most fearsome of
the entire cast.
Depp's Jack Sparrow is still a thing of beauty. Though he doesn't
have the over the top humorous lines that were present in the first
two, he still owns every scene he's in. I'll admit there's some
creative devices with his character better left unsaid that I bet
you'll think get a little ridiculous at times, but they aren't bad
enough to spoil the movie.
Keira Knightley is way more asskicking and awesome as Elizabeth Swann
this time around, and once she puts on her Chinese pirate outfit,
she's pretty kickass to look at as well.
The script also lets Bill Nighy do an awful lot more with the Davy
Jones character. There's a few times when he's walking around that
ILM's CGI work looks a bit choppy and weird, but that tentacle
covered face of his is still a thing of beauty. There's a scene where
he kills somebody by strangling them and shoving this squirmy
tendrils into their mouth that's truly look away from the screen
I'm actually surprised this movie maintained a PG-13 rating. There's
no single thing that would make it R rated, but the violence, mayhem,
and numerous disturbing murder scenes really push the boundaries.
It's definitely a rating I'd seriously observe for kids that are 10
It all builds to a climax that's super exciting and thrilling, with a
battle that's pretty much a pirate masturbation fantasy. No matter
which character is your favorite, you're going to get a payoff you
The film winds up with an ending that's very satisfying if it's the
last one they ever make, but still leaves things open perfectly to
give you some more.
Also, it's got one of the more rewarding and sweet "after the credits
are over" scenes you'll ever see.
Another fun thing I caught is a scene where everything goes black
after a big action scene is through, and you can hear audio from the
Disneyland Ride, including a the ominous "Dead Men Tell No Tales"
from that talking skull you see right before you go down the
waterfall. It's a brilliant "cameo" that gave me goosebumps.
Another brilliant cameo is the not so secret appearance of Keith
Richards as Jack Sparrow's father. I had high hopes for this, and was
not disappointed in the least. But while I expected a super
exaggeration of Depp's drunken fay mannerisms, I was surprised to see
Richards cut a truly fucking scary and imposing character that looks
like a mixture of Satan and Captain Hook.
If you liked the first two films, you'll love this. If you didn't
like the first two so much, you still might love it.
The third and final "Pirates of the Caribbean" movie was a huge success,
partially due to the excellent
the actors wore. If you are looking for
costumes of your own, browse the largest selection of
in the world. Make your next
a pirate themed Haloween!