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ROCK 'EM SOCK 'EM ROBOTS
I never really liked the Transformers toys or original cartoons much. I even wrote a tongue in cheek article 7 years ago about why I hated them (reprinted at the bottom of this article), so for me to say I loved the new Transformers movie is quite an impressive thing. I was charmed within minutes of the start of the film, and it's easily one of the most action packed and exciting movies I've seen within the past 10 years.
It's a pretty awesome movie. The
effects are gorgeous, and the action/fight scenes are nothing short
of amazing. There's some pacing problems that make it a bit too long.
I can't think of too much I would have cut out, but it does start to
border on being a bit too much of a good thing. Kind of like if you
were stuck on Space Mountain for 2.5 hours straight.
I was shaking a bit afterward because I was so hyped up after seeing this. Seriously. I haven't felt this way after watching an action film since Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers.
My only real complaints is some very
inappropriate humor for the real little kids. Be prepared to discuss
masturbation if you haven't yet. Of course, if you're a die-hard
Transformers fan, it's likely a subject you're all too familiar with.
-Robert Berry
WHY I HATE TRANSFORMERS With all the new
attention and revival of all things 80s, the one thing I'm most sickened to see
is the renewed interest in TRANSFORMERS. I never liked this cartoon. I never
As a toy, I always felt the
Transformers were infinitely sucky. Is it a race car, or a robot? IT'S BOTH!
YOU DECIDE! Well you know what? If I wanted a toy race car, I'd get a real
nice die cast one that wouldn't fall apart if you rolled it too fast. And if I
wanted a toy robot, why the hell would I want one that has a car bumper on his
ass, and big ol' black rubber tires on his hips?
The whole concept of
Transformers is laughable. You have these robots from another world coming
to earth and they decide to
lead a double life. To most people, Optimus Prime was a big ol' red
semi-truck, but when he let his guard down, he was a giant robot.
Why on earth did Prime need to
even pretend to be a truck? Their enemies, the Decepticons could surely detect
any Autobot regardless of their form. And what would the humans on earth do if
they found out....kick his ass? Hardly. This "Clark Kent" style
alter-ego of every Transformer made no sense at all. Why on earth would Prime,
for example, ever choose to be a truck? I mean the dude can fly and run around,
why would he hinder himself by being an earth bound, rolling around the
highways, truck? And how did Prime have the
right to pass up the truck scales, anyway? Surely he couldn't go through and
answer the questions about his load. He was eternally a lawbreaker.
Now that I think about
it...what really pisses me off about those Transformers is that they aren't even
licensed vehicles. I have to pay about $200 a year to keep my Another thing I don't get is if
they crash landed on earth, and awoke 4 million years later, wasn't it damn
convenient they were able to look just like vehicles from our time?
Call me crazy, but it really
gets me mad. I was also in that group of
kids that'd never figure out how to work those damn toys. I'd be scratching my
head for hours trying to figure out how to make Honeybee or whatever the hell
his name was turn from a little car to a robot. I always would get stuck half
way somewhere, and some damn 6 year old half my age would come up and figure it
out in seconds. More than meets the eye? Damn
right...those things are evil incarnate. Now don't get me started on
Dino-bots, or we're going to be here all day. -Robert Berry
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liked
the toys. And I certainly never liked the GO-BOTS, ORBOTS, or the other ripoff
ilk they spawned.
Subaru station wagon registered, but those bastards get off scot-free! I bet
they don't even need to pass a smog test, and you know that alien technology
wouldn't even come close to meeting California's stringent emission standards!
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