THE WORST MUSICAL MAKEOVERS

retroCRUSH takes a look at the biggest musical missteps of all time! From Elton John's disco disaster to Neil Young's doo-wop influenced record label middle finger, you'll find a bunch of neat stories, all presented by our resident music geek Miles Miniacci. CLICK HERE TO ENJOY THE TRAGEDY.

RETROCRUSH MEETS THE BIONIC WOMAN!

When I was in kindergarten, round 1975, I had a big crush on Lindsay Wagner. I even drew a crayon picture of her kissing me that said, "I love Lindsay Wagner". My mom found it in my room, and teasingly asked me if I drew it. I was so embarrassed (cause girls were supposed to be icky) that I told her I didn't draw it and someone must have put in in my room when I wasn't looking. Anyway, she's my first crush of any sort, and she's always had a classy beauty and personality that has held up just fine through the decades.

I was lucky enough to finally meet her at the 2008 San Diego Comic Convention. I got an autographed photo, a few nice words and a photo snapped with her. I was so nervous in line to see her (and I've done some sit down interviews with some outrageously famous people). I was genuinely blushing and enamored all over again. She still looks fantastic. She simply shook my hand and said "Have a fun day!" when we parted. I will never wash the hand again. Hell...who am I kidding, I don't wash my hands at all!

CLICK HERE FOR OUR LINDSAY WAGNER PHOTO GALLERY

YES...THE DARK KNIGHT IS THAT GOOD!
CLICK HERE TO READ OUR IN DEPTH DARK KNIGHT REVIEW

SHAZAM! THE MANY FACES OF CAPTAIN MARVEL!

Bradley Mason Hamlin brings us a look at the too many incarnations of Captain Marvel throughout comic book history. From the CC Beck original, to the '80s Donna Summer version, they're all here. CLICK HERE TO READ IT.

 DEATH RACE IS A GOOD SHITTY MOVIE

I loved it. It's definitely a movie to see in a theater full of rowdy black people. There's some super sick vehicular violence. It's got a few nods to the original that I won't give away, but it's so completely different that it really isn't even a remake.

It's like Shawshank Redemption meets The Road Warrior. Only without a good script and better car crashes. There's a sequence with a giant big rig tank thing that results in one of the most gorgeous smashups I've ever seen onscreen.

The story is pretty bare and there's so many holes in the plot it's like some sort of analogy with tons of holes.

Jason Statham is solid and that dude is pretty damn ripped. There's a scene where he's doing pull-ups in his cell that's unreal. The dude has negative body fat. Ian McShane is reliable and charming, but doesn't have much to say worth a damn. He has odd character quirks like reading a tiny book that's about 1 by 2 inches, but you never learn what's in it.

Much of the movie plays like a videogame, complete with illuminated power up circles that activate weapons and defense in the cars when they drive over them. All they needed was a few bananas to chuck out the windows and some mushrooms and it'd have been Mariokart The Movie.

Anyway...if you enjoy movies that are so shitty that they're good, you'll love Death Race.

I ACTUALLY LIKED CLONE WARS?

I've never made any secret of my intense dislike of the Star Wars prequels. But despite bitching about them nonstop since they've been released, I continue to watch them. There's still something inexplicably watchable about anything Star Wars. For everything I hate about them, there's at least a handful of things I still enjoy with each film. The Clone Wars film is completely aimed at the under 10 set that will buy the new Lego and Hasbro toys, but I found myself enjoying it way more than I expected. I love the character of Jabba The Hutt and really enjoyed seeing him again in this film. Plus his cross-dressing effeminate uncle Zero is a so shockingly bizarre of a Star Wars character, I can't believe Lucas approved his creation. It ran a bit long, but it was good enough to watch once. It takes place between Episodes II and III and doesn't add anything significant to the stories, but it's a fun enough throwaway tale. If the upcoming Cartoon Network series is just half as good as this, then they'll have a hit on their hands. I know I'm giving this one a free pass here. The nerd rage inside me knows that I should be pissed that nearly every character has a new voice actor and that the new music sucks balls, but I found myself enjoying it despite all of that. Maybe you will, too. The battles are fun, and the characters ain't half bad. If you have a kid that'd like to see it with ya, go...otherwise wait for the DVD.

THE TOP 20 MOST ANNOYING SONGS

About a month ago we conducted a poll of the worst songs of all time. With a staggering 4,000 responses, these are the results, as ranked by vote count. Sure each one of these is somebody's favorite song, and without a doubt you have some worse choices that aren't here, either. There are certainly songs that are technically worse, but these are those special bad songs that became popular and played so many millions of times that you want to pound rusty nails into your skull to make the noise stop. As the universal official keepers of pop culture, it is retroCRUSH's duty and pleasure to bring them to you. Plus we have videos to watch for EACH ONE!

CLICK HERE TO START YOUR ANNOYING ADVENTURE

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