Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Mattel Shootin' Shell Gun



WOW! I totally love this old cap gun commercial. The ominous music and slow and deliberate loading of the gun make it look like an assassin is about to strike. And WOW...it even shoots projectile tips out, how crazy, unsafe, and COOL is that?

I was actually pretty happy to find a triple pack of good old fashioned red paper cap rolls at the neighborhood mini-mart's toy rack today. I used to spend lots of time just busting them with a rock on the sidewalk back in the day. I'll get some video of that to share soon!

Labels: , ,

Keith Lowell Jensen's comedy CD debut

It's a pleasure to be able to know Keith Lowell Jensen, see him grow as a comedian in the last 10 years, and objectively be able to listen to his debut comedy CD and genuinely laugh out loud throughout. Sometimes when friends give you shit to review, you're torn because you don't want to hurt their feelings but need to give your readers an honest opinion, too. Luckily I didn't have to worry with this one.

Recorded live at the very small Luna's Cafe in Sacramento, there's an intimacy in "To the Moon" that you rarely get with some of the more slick larger club or arena performances. I never bought in to the whole comedian as a rock star bullshit of Dane Cook, so it's refreshing to hear this work on a small scale. Luna's seats maybe 50 people tops.

The jokes are great and genuine. None of that lie-filled "crazy shit happened to me yesterday that never really happened" nonsense that I hate so much. Good observational humor that is a great blend of smart, wacky, and self-depreciating. With topics that include his continuation school experiences, being "hella gay at being straight", and Microsoft Vista jokes, this CD is unique. The best compliment that I can give is that Keith doesn't remind me of any other comedian.

Of course, what do you expect from a guy who's comedic alter-ego is a human fly?

You can visit his site, here
, to see more and check out links to buy his CD.

GREEN MACHINE!



I was the perfect target age when Green Machine first came out in the '70s. For my 9th birthday, I had a choice to get either a bike or a Green Machine. This commercial certainly made Green Machine to be the sexier option. The sportscaster announcer, the energetic disco music, and those singers wailing away in the background made Green Machine look like the ultimate playground tail magnet. But the sensible side of me won over and knew that it would be cooler to have a real bike.

Weird that they picked "8, 9, years old" as a slogan for this, as that's about the age where boys were really too old to want a toy like that. Maybe it was so the 6 and 7 year olds that were better suited to it would think they were growing up quickly.

It's funny when you look at those moments in life where you were "too old" for a toy or something fun. Looking back now, I love all sorts of toys, but there are certainly those "growing up" moments where you put the toy back on the shelf and settle for something "more mature". I remember when the '80s smaller GI Joe line came out and buying a Snake Eyes action figure. He looked cool, but was pretty shoddy, and a pale descendant of the bigger more rugged Joes from my youth. This is about the same time that Transformers, He-Man, and the rest of the big '80s toys came out and I officially was no longer into "kid stuff". That is until I got older again. Nostalgia gives us all a chance to get that neat stuff again.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Adios, Dad!

One of the reasons I've been a bit slow keeping the site up to date is that both my father and grandmother have been in a pretty bad way. After many years of suffering from Alzheimer's disease, my father passed away, yesterday. A horrible way to go, but he's out of his misery now.

We certainly had our issues through time, but you all can thank him for exposing me to so many horror films, comic books, crazy TV, wrestling, toys, collectibles, and retro stuff to in no small part to make retroCRUSH the site it is today.

Oh the pain of waiting...

I know...I know. This is pretty underwhelming, but I am using my own limited programming skills to get some blog articles up here regularly until the database is fixed. More to come tonight!

Sunday, November 09, 2008

Sunay Morning Coming Down

It's a quiet Sunday morning in Sacramento. Our friends just bought a great looking new house that is about 40% of the price it was going for 2 years ago. It's bigger than a small family would need, but it's got a lot of great swinging funky features that you'd expect to see in an early 70s built home. A built in brick barbecue in the backyard, lots of paved over rocky surfaces in the yard, and a swanky dual sided fireplace that can be enjoyed from rooms on each side of it. There's also a bar built in next to the dining room with a giant mirror behind it.

Apparently the house was built by a guy that used to own the Pussycat Theater in Sacramento. It's definitely a house that was built for entertaining. The living room is very spacious with a hardwood floor that's perfect for dancing. The upstairs is virtually one giant room as well with built in benches against the wall. Indeed the party potential is tremendous.

That room also has a balcony that looms over the backyard as well.

We hung out last night and had a good old time, drinking Gin and Tonic. Gin is definitely one of those spirits where you can't go cheap. Cheap gin is a guaranteed headache. The first drink I ever ordered in a bar (when I was 20) was a martini with gin. I wasn't sure if James Bond used gin or vodka, but my grandparents were big fans of Beefeater gin, so I decided to err on the side of caution. I hated it. I'm sure it was some shitty well gin, but the whole thing tasted like I was drinking a bottle of cologne. And not even good cologne, like some sort of celebrity cologne endorsed by P.Diddy or something like that.

Anyway, a good time was had by all. It's nice to have an assortment of friends who enjoy drinking. As the economy gets worse and times are tougher, social drinking at friends houses will likely get more and more popular as a cheaper and perhaps more fun option to going out to clubs and bars. This was the case during The Depression era, which gave birth to the martini in the first place. The ultimate forget about your troubles drink.

Drinking with your friends erases all the of the day's tensions and worries and just lets everyone enjoy the company and have a great laugh.

Sweet alcohol...truly the nation's great solution for economic woes. Obama would do well to send a case of booze to every home as a true stimulus package.

Yes We Can!

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Disguises for a Bad Economy

I always thought it was funny to see the image of a guy who was so poor that they were wearing a barrel with straps on it. I mean how broke do you have to get where you have to get rid of all your clothes and put on a wine barrel instead? I've purchased half wine barrel planters for my garden and they're not exactly cheap. Secretly, these guys aren't poor at all, they just have a barrel wearing fetish. Sort of a primitive old timey version of furries, if you will.

On the same note, have you ever seen a hobo/tramp/whatever walking down the street with their belongings tied to a stick with a red handkerchief? Perhaps it's comfortable, but there's got to be so many better storage options. How much can you really fit in a handkerchief, anyway? I would think your wallet would fall out, and there's really not much room for food.

Both of these are depression era images to make being down on your luck seem more wacky and fun.

What sort of modern variations on the barrel and handkerchief on a stick will we see for The Next Great Depression? Accountants walking around with Commodore 64 computers strapped around their neck? People listening to Cassette Sony Walkmans hidden inside of iPod boxes?

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Vote for a Lego Star Wars Set

If you like Star Wars Lego, you can vote on one of 3 new sets they'll produce, all of which are actually pretty cool. One of them is "The Arrest Of Palpatine" scene from Episode III, followed by a cool Slave I on a landing platform, or the ol Ackbar cruiser set from Return of the Jedi.

CLICK HERE TO VOTE, SUCKA

Monday, July 21, 2008

God's Carbon Footprint

Why did God have to flood the world anyway? Couldn't he have just snapped his fingers and made all the bad people disappear? It's not like he had to teach the people he killed a lesson. It would have saved the innocent slaughter of millions of animals, and destruction of the world's trees. Just think of how many old growth trees we would have had if they didn't have to grow from scratch again?

Same goes for Soddom and Gommorah getting burned to the ground with fire and brimstone. The after affects to the air quality are still being felt. God's carbon footprint is way too big.

The Long Walk

I like going to used book stores every so often and pick up some stuff on the cheap. I saw Stephen King's "The Long Walk" while visiting my wife's family in Eureka a few weeks back and couldn't resist. He wrote it back in 1967, and it was rejected. He later published it as Richard Bachman, and it was reprinted in the '80s compendium "The Bachman Books" which contained The Running Man, Roadwork, and the purposely taken out of print Rage (which dealt with a kid who takes over his class at gunpoint, but became a little too close to home in modern times).

I read it back in 1986 but forgot most of the details, so I was happy to revisit it. It's a great quick read that cuts through the shit and gets right into the story. A boy named Garraty joins 99 others for an annual event called The Long Walk in which other boys under 18 join in a marathon non-stop walking contest. There's no breaks or sleep and if they ever go off course, stop walking, or fall under 4 miles per hour, they're given a warning. The 4th warning is a bullet.

I love the story in that it doesn't overexplain anything. You just have to accept the reality that there's some screwed up fascist version of America in which a military head (known as "The Major") organizes this huge event which most of country seems to think is the greatest thing ever. Why would someone willingly enter such an event? Most of the entrants don't even know for sure, but the winner receives anything they want, for life.

The book's told through Garraty's point of view and he meets a ton of interesting chacters along the way. Some confused, some suicidal, and one in particular, who walks in the back of the pack with the apparent ease of a robot, who is just flat out mysterious.

It's full of that great raw juvenile dialogue that Stephen King did so well back in the early days. It's a journey book like his later work "The Body" (which became the film Stand By Me) and even Huck Finn, with a sick twist. There's a great bit where a kid, overcome with horrible diarrheah, has to stop walking. His co-walkers egg him on, and Garraty is even thinking "better to shit yourself than die", but he's eventually taken out, shot in the head while doubled over in intenstinal agony, shitting on the road.

I totally forgot the ending, and rereading it, I can't say it left me completely satisfied, but it wasn't a cop out either. It certainly makes you think about the meaning, that's for sure.

It's a neat idea with a lot of "What would you do" type of situations. Is there any way to fight back against this situation once you joined? How would you bow out if you couldn't walk anymore? How far could you really walk non-stop if a gun was at your head? How could you possibly fall asleep while still walking? All sorts of cool scenarios like this play out.

Frank Darabont owns the rights to turn this into a movie, which seems to be completely "un-makeable", but he has said he wants to make it a very small low budget movie so he can adapt it properly, so there's hope. He was willing to go the dark and unexpected route with his film of The Mist, so maybe he's the right guy for the job. The dude gave us Shawshank Redemption, so I'm willing to give him a break.